Proving a Point
by f3296
Summary: The loss of a brother has put a leader in shambles, a genius with no answers, and a brother being eaten away by guilt. All to Prove a point. Rated for Tcect, death, alcohol abuse.
1. Chapter 1

The incident

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Donatello sat at the edge of the table looking down at the floor with his arms crossed, feeling the heavy atmosphere in the lab. Mikey and Raph were sitting on the cot, both bandaged to a point. Minor injuries. Nothing more than the flesh wound from a flying bullet grazing Mikey's left arm. But it was enough of an injury to have Leo's wheels turning.

He turned to look at his two younger brothers to see both of their heads where down, a scowl plastered on Raphael's face. Leonardo gaze boring down on both of them, in particular Raph. Donnie shifted slightly.

"Sooo, are we just gonna stand here and have a staring contest? Cuz right now only Leo is playing." The only response he had received was a chuckle from Mikey which quickly followed by a grunt from Raphael punching him.

"I cannot believe you" Leo narrowed his eyes at Raphael. "Both of you." Switching to Mikey. "I told you specifically not to engage. We were outnumbered and you two went storming in like a two man army." Raphael huffed.

"You have something to say Raph?" Leo challenged.

"Damn Leo ya' make it sound like one of us lost a limb. We're fine." Raph protested.

"That bullet wound on Mikey's arm isn't what I consider fine and don't you think I don't know that this was your plan." Leo accused. Mikey and Donnie both turned away, already seeing the fireworks going off between the two brothers.

"Come on Leo the only reason ya're even getting all hyped up is cuz ya' and Mikey are shacking up. If this would have been any other time ya' wouldn't even be standing here." He dropped the bomb which made Mikey straighten up and eye up at Leo. Yes, what Raphael had blurted out was correct. A few months back, Mikey and Leo had found a connection that went past brothers. At first it was strange and unorthodox, but after coming to terms with their feelings, and the approval of their family they blossomed to something more. Well, almost the full approval.

"I would be concerned in any situation with any of you. My issue is that once again you went against what my orders were. I said this was recon, nothing more. The Purple Dragons may not be our fiercest foes but their numbers are large it obviously a threat and I'm sorry but your muscle alone can't stop that." Leo tossed back.

"Why the hell am I the only one getting heat from this then? I ain't the only one who went in there." Raph said, obviously gesturing to the fact that Mikey was along for the ride as well.

"Michelangelo and I will have a discussion later but you Raph need to realize whose leader here." Leo shot back. Immediately, the air got thick and And Donnie moved from the table and started moving towards the door, not wanting to get in between the fight he can forsee coming.

"Yeah, you and Mike gonne 'talk'. Gonna really show him who the leader is." Raph responded in a snarky tone.  
"That's enough Raph." Leo said in a mild tone, refusing to get caught up in this game Raph wanted to play.

"What am I not allowed to expose the double standard? You chew me out then go fuck and Mikey gets off? That don't seem fucking fair." Raph said standing, closing the gap between him and Leo.

"Michelangelo isn't getting off for this." He tried to reprimand.

"Nah he'll be getting off another way." Raph spoke with venom. Mikey could see the muscles tense on Leo and knew he was getting ready to swing. As quickly as he could, he jumped from where he was sitting and put himself in between the two brothers.

"Alright alright let's just all calm down. Master Splinter is still asleep it's late lets not wake him or else we're all getting our asses handed to us." He explained, trying to seperate the two brothers from getting into a brawl. "Lets just come to the comclusion and that were fine and Don did a good job at patching us up thanks buddy." He nodded at Donnie who stood there with a look of confusion. "And we will never do it again. Sound good?" He did recieve a response from either of his brothers as they were still in the middle of their stare down.

"Raph, why don't you go pound a few somewhere not on your bros." He tried to convince. Raph didn't even look in his direction, eyes boring into Leo. Donnie subtly opened the door, gesturing for Raph to head out. He got the hint. With a growl he stormed out of the infirmary straight towards the dojo. Donnie gave Mikey a look before following the red banded turtle out. Mikey took a breath, happy one fire is put out for a moment. He looked back at Leo to see the ridges in his face highlighted and the anger coming from his pores.

"Come on." He took hold of Leo's arm and led him out of the infirmary and to Leo's bedroom.

* * *

Leo came in the room for first taking deep breaths a pacing in the room. Mikey came in next and shut the door quietly. He watched for a moment as Leo stood in the middle of the room after his pacing trying to calm his racing heart. To everyone else Leonardo was the king of the calm. He knew the ins and outs of stress and had the answers to all problems. But being with him in these intimate moments has shown Mikey Leo's breaking points. How sometimes when he goes off to his room to "Meditate" he's letting off steam, sometimes at the level of Raphael.

"So, you wanted to talk?" Mikey tried to get his attention. Within a moment, Leo turned around to face the younger turtle.

"How could you follow him in like that? You could have been killed!" Leo hollered.

"Well if I didn't go in who would have Raph's back? It was either he went in by himself or had some help." Mikey admitted. That seemed to calm Leo's nerves a little. Mikey understood Leo's sudden change in mood whenever they went out on patrol. He was no longer his leader brother, but now he had taken the role of protective mate and boy does he show it. Now, whenever they went out on patrol, Leo kept Mikey close. Though it was flattering, Mikey was still ninja. And though on his more lazier days he didn't mind being with Leo he still wanted to bust some heads with Raph. But, Mikey couldn't be mad at Leo for his behavior. This was new to all of them, so he knew it would just take time before they got the hang of things and Leo to let him go on his own again. Today was definitely a step backwards in that process.

Mikey walked up to him, close enough to where Leo was able to reach over and took hold of Mikey's hips. He grazed the back of his hand over the bandaged wound and had a sad look on his face. Mikey reached up and cupped Leo's face.

"I'm alright Leo. This is nothing, I've had worse. You don't need to keep worrying." Mikey said, reaching up and gave the stressed leader a kiss. It was subtle and intimate. When Mikey pulled away, Leo didn't move, savoring the kiss like a lifeline. He sighed and pulled away completely and took a seat on the bed.

"I just don't understand. Raph has been trying to push me harder and harder lately. Does he hate what we have that much?" Leo asked with a sad tone. Mikey stood over him and pondered over it. Raph was having a hard time with it. Ever since Leo and Mikey came out he had been resentful. Seeing the obvious favoritism from their leader to the youngest turtle has caused a rage of rebellion from the hot headed brother that has caused more fights, and more injuries. Mikey didn't really understand either. But he wasn't interested in getting on Raphael's case about it. It was obviously something Raph was trying to work through. Maybe Mikey could talk to him and figure out what was crawling under his skin. But for now, his mate was setting himself up for turmoil and he wasn't down to watch that happen.

He a smirk on his face, he walked up to Leo and kneeled where he sat, grabbing Leo's thighs and looked up.

"He just doesn't understand. But I can tell you something I understand." He moved forward and kissed Leo once more. "I love you." He moved down to Leo's neck, peppering small kisses of affection. "I love what we have." He moved his palm down between them moving his thumb against the softer cartilage that hid away Leo's masculinity. Leo let out a small hum in approval, moving his legs slightly open for Mikey to work. "And I think you need some R and R after the stress." Mikey moved down and flattened his tongue against the hidden pocket and slid up, gaining a moan from Leo.

"You drive me crazy." Leo said in a low tone, leaning back on his hands allowing his cock to be released. Leo gasped as he felt the skillful tongue roll on the top of head before Mikey took it in whole. From practice, Mikey knew the spots and knicks that Leonardo enjoyed. How to make him moan, make him cum instantly, how to control every aspect of his being. Mikey didn't reached down for himself, he wanted Leo calm and relaxed to talk to him some more. Mikey was thinking about how later he could have Leo repay him.

Mikey went down deeper till he felt Leo's head in the back of his throat and swallowed, sucking around the base to get the best noises from his lover. Leo churred, placing his hand on top of Mikey's as a sign of encouragement but no pressure. That's what Mikey loved about Leo. He had his kinks, some of which no one would have ever expected, but he was patient and waited till Mikey was ready, which meant he never had to wait very long.

Mikey quickened his pace, feeling Leo's penis enlarge in his mouth and knew he was close. He sucked hard at the top, using his hand to help with the base and drew Leo to a climaxed.

"Mikey.." Leo groaned out release, keeping his volume low make sure not to disturb anyone who might be trying to sleep. Mikey kept hold for a few minutes more, taking in every last drop before releasing his mates dick with a pop. Leo sat there breathing heavy for a moment before putting himself away, allowing room for Mikey to crawl up into his lap and kiss him passionately. When he pulled away, Leo smiled.

"Donnie's right. You are a little manipulator." Leo said, gesturing for Mikey to sit next to him. With a smirk, Mikey plopped down next to his lover.

"What can I say? I like seeing you happy better than stress." He admitted. Leo took hold oh Mikey's hand and sighed.

"It's hard when I have Raph going against me at every turn and you encouraging it." Leo told him.

"Hey I don't make up the plans I just go along with it."

"And that's the problem. One of these days you're going to get really hurt. Or worse." Leo admitted.

"Bro, thats gonna happen no matter what. We go out there risking our lives every day. Remember I'm a ninja too. I'm not some damsel in distress." Mikey told him.

"I know. I just want to make sure you're safe. I'm sorry if I can be overbearing." Leo said. "I don't know I kinda like it. When you get all macho really is a turn on." Mikey said playfully. With a sly smirk, Leo pushed Mikey down on his shell and made himself comfortable on top.

"Well, I suppose I do owe you for putting me in a better mood." Leo said in a husky tone.

"I mean I won't complain, I do enjoy the full treatment though." Mikey said reaching down to feel the bulge beginning to pop out from Leo's pocket once again.

"Of course. At your service." Leo leaned in a kissed Mikey while reaching over to the bedside table to for the lube. For now, Mikey was going to enjoy his time with Leo now that he has gotten him out of fighting mode, but once Leonardo had gone to bed, he would head out and try and figure out what has Raph so upset and see what he can do to fix it or else Leo would be right, someone is going to get hurt.

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 _ **A/N: Leave comments ! I love to hear how you guys are liking it! Till next time!**_

 _ **-F**_


	2. People Pleaser

People Pleaser

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Raphael punched viciously at the dummy in the dojo with all his might, taking out all his frustrations on the wool made punching bag, imaging it was Leo's face. He grunted and snarled after every punch causing Donnie to look up from his computer. He sat at the bench legs crossed looking over some old codes and the police scanner to keep up with any new leads to follow. But he wasn't getting much done with Raphs noises.

"Stupid Leo, thinking he can say whatever he wants!" Raph mumbled to himself hitting the dummy slightly harder. Donnie rolled his eyes going back to his laptop.

"Well next time maybe actually follow his directions. He is the leader." Raph threw one more good punch and turned to his intelligent brother.

"Doesn't it bother ya' at all how they're acting? Me and Mikey both went in there and we both came out and I get chewed out." He yelled.

"Last time I checked he was yelling at both of you. You were just the one ready for a response." Donnie said mildly.

"Shouldn't matter." Raph seered. "Now Leo and Mikey are shacking up and obviously our leader has some other priorities and favorites." Donnie laughed, still not looking up from his laptop.

"I don't see a problem."

"Ya of course ya' don't cuz your head is so far up Leo's ass ya' wouldn't be able to see what was happening." Raph said.

"Gay joke?" Donnie said with a sly look.

"Ain't funny." Raph growled. "And what are you doing in here anyways? Shouldn't you be in your lab making something?" He questioned.

"I would, but take all the offense when I say I'm here to make sure you don't break anything else. I have too much to do to clean up another one of your messes today." Donnie said. Raph scoffed turning back to the dummy.

"Ya well, looks like you're gonna fix this dummy after I'm Done with it." He took another hard swing at the doll.

"You know, you can just talk to Leo and Mikey about how you're really feeling." Donnie offered up. "Mikey would understand." Donnie made it a point to just bring up Mikey since the two siblings were so close. Raph just looked down at the ground and scowled. Donnie was right, Mikey would understand and would do anything to make Raph feel better. But the problem wasn't with Mikey directly it was more Leo. Tensions between the two brothers were definitely spiked but not for reasons most would assume. Raphael was just frustrated about how often Leonardo was taking Mikey away. Whenever Raphael wanted to go out, have a beer, or go on a ride Mikey was always his first to go turtle. But as of late, he couldn't even spend twenty minutes with his youngest brother without the overbearing mate hovering above them.

He was just so fed up with the obvious favoritism going on. This last run was the first time in a while that Raph and Mikey were paired together and Raph wanted to enjoy it. He wasn't purposely trying to put he or Mikey in danger, The last thing he would've ever wanted was to see his little brother get shot but the problem is that now that both Mikey and Leo are together, everything that happens can be considered sensitive. Leonardo looked over Mikey like a hawk and even if the youngest brother appreciate it Raphael certainly didn't. He didn't like the new dynamic in the team now that the two were together.

Frustrated with himself Raph threw one more hard swing at the dummy to break it off its hinges and landed on the floor. Donnie watch the dummy fall to the ground and groaned.

"Geez Raph sure hope you weren't thinking about my face." He heard the voice of his little brother from the doorway. Raph turned to see the famous Michelangelo leaning against the door frame with a smirk on his face.

"Get out Mikey, or else you're gonna end up like the dummy." Raphael threatened.

"Damn, so much hostility I just walked in." Mikey played off, walking over to stand next to Donnie who immediately got up and walked over to the dummy.

"Well, while you two hash it out I'm gonna go grab some Coffee since now I have a new project." He glared up at Raph who immediately looked away.

"Leo's in the kitchen." Mikey said just to clarify where the eldest was.

"Shocked he ain't passed out." Raph said grimly heading towards the weights. Donnie immediately tensed but Mikey kept calm and smile on his face.

"I mean he would have but had to make sure he ate first." Mikey explained.

"How thoughtful." Raps responded not looking at him. Without losing his grin, Mikey took a deep breath to control himself from saying something witty. Donnie picked up the energy in the dojo and left the room in a scurry wanting to have a chat with the eldest alone.

After Donnie had left Mikey took a few more steps towards Raph before breaking out in a innocent smile.

"So we good bro?" He asked with the best intentions. As quickly as Raphael picked up the weights he immediately dropped them in disbelief.

"No, we ain't good." He said in a flat tone.

"What did I do?" Mikey said. "If anything I'm a victim of cross fire. I didn't make you fight with Leo for the millionth time this week."

"Yeah? Well maybe there wouldn't have been a fight if ya would have taken some of the heat too." Raph responded.

"Hey, I got yelled at too remember." Mikey put emphasis on himself. "And you should be thanking me. It probably could have been a lot worse if I had said something right then and there."

"Ya don't get a free pass cuz ya decide to turn around and fuck the guy in charge just to get out of punishment." Raph said.

"Who said I did it to get out of anything?" Mikey shrugged. "Me and Leo talked and I got yelled at too. The make up sex was just a bonus." Mikey was so Nonchalant about the escapade between he and Leonardo and Raph felt he should have been astonished. Though it was always Mikey who was much more open publicly about their relationship than Leo was. Then again, it was Leo who had to keep up the facade of leadership to make it work so it was obvious why he didn't show his favoritism to the world.

"Ya, glad one of us got happy ending." He said sarcastically.

"What, is that what your mad about? If I would have known you wanted a little action I would have just told Leo to include you." Mikey said with humor. A disgust sneer plastered on Raph's face.

"The last thing I want is to join in on something like _that_." With that comment, Mikey's smile immediately dropped. He looked away and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Wow, you really don't like what me and Leo are doing do you?" He asked. Immediately reading the change in tone from his younger brother, Raphael realized he had hurt Michelangelo's feelings and was slightly guilty.

"Look that ain't what I meant." He tried to reassure.

"Then what's the problem?" Mikey asked.

"I don't know! Look I ain't against you trying to be happy alright? I ain't mad that you and Leo are gay." Raphae explained.

"Sure seems like it." Mikey pointed out.

"I just don't get it, but I ain't gonna stop you two from doing whateva. I just don't like feeling like I'm losing brothers either." Mikey's irritation was immediately was depleted by Raphs confession and understood his brothers attitude probably a lot more than Raph.

"You're not losing either of us Bro. I promise." Mikey tried to reassure.

"Ya can't say that when ya got Leo looking over you like a hawk." Raph argued. "He basically tells you what to do more than not. It's like he makes you glued to his side." Mikey had to hold in a snicker from Raphs rationalization about the time spent with Leo. Even if Mikey tried to explain that it has his choice to be around Leo as much as he did, Raph would turn it around as a "I told you he was controlling you" kind of situation. It was easier for Raph to believe that Leo was just a control freak than to think Mikey Just enjoyed the extra time Spent with the eldest.

"Well, what is it that I can do to make it so you don't feel like that?" Mikey asked. Raphael thought about it. He wanted something to show Leo that he may be the leader, but he isn't the show stopper. He wanted to prove a point.

"The next time we go out topside. Ya follow my lead. And if something happens ya don't duck and cover we did it as a team." Raph clarified. Mikey groaned.

"Come on dude, didn't you learn anything last time?" Mikey pointed at his bandage arm. Raph scoffed.

"Please you Milked that to make Leo feel bad for ya and you know it." Raph accused.

"What? I would never!" Mikey said in an over dramatic tone.

"Look are you with me or not?" Raph asked in a serious tone, raising his fist in agreement. Mikey huffed. He understood Raphael's insecurity. This was new to all of them, it was a strange phenomenon none of them were expecting. And if he was completely honest, Raph was always the last one to pick up what was happening. Instead of fighting anymore with his already overhyped brother, he caved and met his brothers fist with his own, giving an agreement of understanding.

"Alright, alright. If it will get you to stop throwing a hissy fit." Mikey said. Raph smirked before giving a brotherly punch in Mikey's shoulder having Mikey give on back.

"Well hey if we're all done being mad wanna watch that new scary movie on pay per view?" Mikey asked.

"Yeah, I'd like that." Raph responded.

"Is it alright if I tell Leo and Donnie about it too?" Mikey asked putting his hands up in submission, "no cuddling I promise." Raph laughed, shoving past Mikey playfully heading to the kitchen wanting to be one that invited their brothers to some Quality time.

* * *

Leo sat at the kitchen table sipping at his tea enjoying the quiet the kitchen was and how relaxed he felt. It was a much needed alone time he needed from his mate considering how tense he had been feeling because of his hot headed brother. He tried his best to follow the advice Michelangelo had given him, considering that Raph might just be having a hard time accepting the change of dynamic in the family, but it didn't change the hurt Leo felt when Raphael became so vicious. It hurt him deeply, probably more deep than Raphael would ever know.

He picked up the sound of rustling and saw Donnie walk in the kitchen with the wool dummy over his shoulder and a scowl on his face.

"Another one?" Leo asked. Donnie tossed the dummy on the table and groaned, heading straight for his coffee machine.

"5th one this week." He said pouring himself a cup. "If you guys can cut your fights down to 3 times a week that would be appreciated." Leo smirked.

"Well you don't have to fix it every time he breaks it." he pointed out.

"Of course I do." Donnie said taking a seat across from his brother. "If I don't fix it then he has nothing to hit."

"I mean, he can just not hit things." Leo said.

"This is Raph were talking about." Donnie took a sip of his coffee. "You know, you can lighten up on him a bit. He may not be a witty as the rest of us but he's not stupid. He can see your playing favorites." Donnie pointed out. Leonardo frowned at the comment.

"I don't mean to." He admitted. "I just know Raph goes out of his way to make things hard for me, and I know Mikey follows along to keep the peace."

"I mean you're not wrong. But it still looks bad for you to chew him out and go in the other room with Mikey to have both of you with grins on your faces." Leo liked talking to Donnie. He was always so blunt and straight to the point. He appreciated it and was happy to get a different perspective on his leadership.

"What do you supposed I do then?" He asked.

"Just let them be dumb." Donnie said. "They're not going to stop and now Raph is more than motivated to go the extra mile just to piss you off. So, let him. And if Mikey tags along, you have to give them equal treatment or ignore it all together. They're Ninja Leo, they aren't easily knocked over."

"You're right." Leo admitted. "It's just hard because I just want to keep Mikey safe."

"Well, just remember you're our leader too. We all have to be safe. No one gets first because the relationship got more complicated. We matter too." Donnie said. Leo felt guilty. He had been so focused on Mikey and his well being he completely overlooked Donnie and Raph. It would explain Raphaels cry for attention as well. He took another sip of his tea and took in Donatello's words. And speaking of Donnie…

"So, when are you gonna tell him?" Leo asked with a smirk. Donnie gave a scowl over the lip of his cup before putting it down.

"He's not ready for that kind of talk." He said. "He's still pretty against you and Mikey together so I'm doubting he would be interested in hearing anything I had to say."

"Come on Donnie you won't know till you talk to him. Who knows, maybe him knowing your feelings will make him more open to the idea." Leo tried to say. Leonardo and Donatello have had multiple conversations now about Donnie coming out to Raph but each conversation ended the same, Donnie dodging and putting it off. It was almost as if Donnie had a fear of rejection from the red banded turtle, and today's events and Raphael's words have set Donnie back even further on the pursuit of finding a relationship with him.

"How did you know it was the right time for you and Mikey?" Donnie asked. Leo thought about the question and a small smile appeared on his face.

"It's funny really. I guess I didn't really know till it happened. Maybe it happened when Mikey kept coming around more to practice or meditate. Or maybe it happened when I was able to open up to him in ways I could never with anyone else. Not even Master Splinter. I guess there isn't really a time stamp for this sort of thing. You just, know." He said. Donnie sighed. That really didn't help his situation but he could see from the smoothed out lines of Leo's tired face, it made all the world to him. He was overall happy for his eldest. Since he and Mikey had come out to their family, he seemed to be less on edge. He was more tolerable about certain things and less stressed about their lives in general. Donatello couldn't blame Leo for not making sense on how he knew what he was with Michelangelo, all he knew was that it was right. That still didn't help the situation with he and Raphael and this one sided love Donnie was feeling. He wished his story was like Leo's and Mikey's but that surely was a fairy tale.

As if on cue, Raphael came in through the doorway and stood before Leo and Don. It was initially silent between the 3, Leo leaning back in his seat waiting for Raph to speak. Raphael took a breath and looked down at the ground.

"Me and Mikey are gonna watch of movie if ya wanna join us." He offered, quickly flashing his eyes between the two. Leo glanced back at Donnie who smiled before turning back to Raph.

"Sure i'm up for a movie." Leo said standing up. He walked up to Raph and put a hand on his shoulder and offered up a grin. Raphael stared for a minute before mimicking his brothers movements and gave a friendly pat. Donnie watched the silent apology before they all walked out to the living room to see Mikey loading up the DVD and taking a seat on the couch, welcoming his brothers with open arms.

Master Splinter peaked out of his room to see the four brothers enjoying their quality time and felt his heart warm. He knew this change in their family would come as a shock and would be something they would all need time to getting use to but trusted their bond as brothers would always be stronger than their insecurities. He went to bed that night happy to have his sons home and in loving arms. All was once again right in their home…

Until the morning after when Donatello received strange activity in an old building ran by the Shredder.


	3. Blue

Blue

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For about of week the turtles kept tabs on a tower that popped up on their radar for having suspicious activity. Explosions, rolling blackouts, and wild noises coming from inside. When Donatello dug in deeper about the tower, it was found to be owned by the Oroku Saki Foundation. The turtles immediately assumed it was some illegal experimentation their favorite villain was up to and knew they needed to stop it before something happened to their city.

They perched up on the building across the way, counting the different levels and scoping out the security which they found there wasn't any on the outside. Leonardo looked through the binoculars and immediately got a gut feeling of no good looking at the eerie building and seeing no lights were on. He was knocked out of his thoughts when he heard Donnie speak.  
"The building is set for demolition next Tuesday. Whatever is in there, Shredder is definitely trying to bury it." Raph crouched down next to him grinning.

"Well I say we get there first and bust him before he gets a chance to hide the evidence."

"Enough Raph." Leo said, "This is recon only. We have 5 days till this building goes down to get more evidence and make a report to give to local authorities." Raph growled.

"Didn' know we were some snitches now."

"Hey less beatings for us to take in my opinion." Mikey commented, swinging over the air conditioning.

"Heh, thats cuz you're a lazy shit. Aint no fun just ratting and ditching." Raph said.

"It's not about fun Raph. There's no reason to go running into danger every time there's a mission. There are strategic options." Leo explained.

"Heh, yeah, that's why we aint going into the fight." Raph said under his breath earning his a side glare from Leonardo. Donnie and Mikey immediately felt the change in air and both internally groaned. Leonardo didn't move from his stance visibly already irritated with his younger brother.

"Recon. _Only_." He emphasized. "Stick to the shadows, do not engage with the enemy." He looked towards Donnie.

"Don when we get in we need to get to a main database to see what documents we can get into. You and Raph head towards the front. Mikey and I will meet you from the back." Leo announced. Mikey grinned for a moment before an elbow to the side reminded him about his and Raph's agreement.

"Uh, you know Leo, maybe me and Raph should go together." This caught Leo's attention when he looked at his mate in slight shock. Mikey grew slightly nervous and had to use his quick wit. "I mean it's more logical right? Donnie's gonna be telling you a bunch of mumbo jumbo that me and Raph aren't gonna know anything about and it would be easier than trying to just rely word of mouth after regroup." Mikey tried to compromise. Leo looked exhausted from this conversation.

"Mikey.." He groaned. A tinge of irritation hit Mikey's lips.

"What? One mishap and I'm not allowed to be paired with my brother?" He challenged. Raph studied his eldest brother. He could see Leo trying to keep his cool as leader, but boy, he never knew Mikey had the ability to make their fearless leader stutter.

Leo did his best to watch his wording. "It's not just that Mikey. I cant-" He stopped when he was stumped. "I can't trust-"

"What? Don't trust me?" Mikey asked, making Leo look away. Mikey tipped his head. "Don't trust Raph?" With that comment Leo looked back up, almost like a silent confirmation. Raph raised his brows and looked away, seeing this conversation was quickly going south.

"How's our team supposed to work with no trust?" He asked.

"It's not like that Michelangelo and you know that." Leo said in a low tone.

"Yeah? Then what's a valid reason then?" Mikey asked. Leo was truly, stumped. Leo couldn't help to glance over to see Raph looking right up at him and put two and two together to see there was some sort of game Raphael had put together and Mikey was put on as their spokesman. Leo smirked, giving out a little huff in amusement.

"I don't have one." He admitted, gaining shocked looks from Raph and Donnie. Mikey's face immediately softened.

"Really?" He asked. Leo smiled at his mate.

"You're right. I have no reason not to trust you." he looked over to Raph. "Either of you." Raphael gave an impressive smirk back. Leo returned to Mikey. "You are strong members of this team, trained ninja. Show me that I have nothing to be worried about." It was as if a fog was suddenly lifted and everyone felt like they could breathe again. Leo took a breath and stood tall.

"Alright team, Donnie and I will head to the front, get to the mainframe and see what we can find. Raph and Mikey, head through the back, and watch our backs. Remember this is recon so do _not_ engage." Leo reminded. Raph Smacked his thighs as he got up and headed towards the tower along with Donnie. Once their brothers were far enough out, Mikey looked back at his leader and walked up to him.

"Thanks Leo." He said. Leonardo was quick grabbing onto Mikey's waist, resting his forehead on Mikey's.

"Please be careful." He said in a low tone. Mikey smiled, pulling away to look at Leo in the eyes. Mikey grabbed the back of Leo's head and pulled him in for a subtle kiss.

It only lasted for a moment, but it was enough to calm Leo's nerves to trust his mate. Mikey pulled away slightly, keeping a close distance and a smile on his face.

"We'll be okay. Promise." He said. Leo took a breath, a nodded in agreement before letting Mikey go. Mikey gave off a quick salute before jumping down to the lower level of the building. Leonardo watched as his mate disappeared and pushed back all emotions and remembered the task at hand, following Donatello to the front of the building.

Mikey jumped down to the alley where he was immediately shoved to the side by Raphael.

"Ouch! Hey!" Mikey whined. Raph let out a snicker.

"Man, I always knew you had a big mouth but that was some serious Lawyer shit you just pulled. Got fearless Leader piss'n his pants." Raph taunted. Mikey gave a nervous smirk. He didn't mind the manipulation of his brothers, he made of living out of it. But he didn't like making Leo feel cornered like that. At least not anymore. Maybe if they were still called brothers sure, this sort of juvenile revenge would seem more intriguing to the youngest. But now that Mikey had reached a more intimate level with Leo, and has seen his lovers more insecure sides it was hard on Mikey to make Leo feel so vulnerable in front of the family like that.

But, he was so conflicted because now Raph was ecstatic and no longer sour over the entire situation which was a weight off his shoulders. Mikey decided after tonight he would tell Leo the reasoning behind his actions, if he didn't already figure it out, and tell Raph he isn't gonna be the middleman any longer. This was a little too much even for him.

"Hey are ya even listening?" Raph asked in a low whisper. Mikey was immediately knocked out of his haze when he saw they were standing at the back door of the tower, no security in sight.

"What?" He asked.

"I said is your communicator on." Raph said, clicking up to his earslit to turn his on. Mikey mimicked the action and turned on his own, hearing the connectivity and Donnie's voice on the other end.

"Me and Leo are in. Mainframe was not on the 1st floor. Going to the second now. Strange, the building isnt schedule to go till Tuesday so why isn't there anyone around?"

"Let's not stick around too long to meet up with any late attendees" Leo said. "Raph, you and Mikey go up to the 3rd floor no higher. Lets keep it close."

"Roger that." Raph said sarcastically before heading inside with Mikey hot on his trail.

When they came to the tower they found it completely deserted. Mikey and Raph walked with care as they made sure they were just as silent as the building. Mikey skimmed his eyes and notice large blocks on the pillars.

"Hey Don." He said in the communicator. "What are these blinking light things on the walls?"

"Those would be the bombs for the Demo." Don said. "Don't touch them Mikey." Michelangelo raised his hands in submission.

"Trust me if I felt like losing a limb I would steal some of Raph's porno." He said, gaining a smack in the back of the head by Raph, the sound echoing in the vacant space.

"Knock it off. Keep focus." Leo reminded. Mikey and Raph muted their end to narrow the noise level as they continued to walk through the 3rd floor.

They didn't know what they were originally expecting when they entered this building but, this wasn't what they were expecting. It just looked like any other office building. It was filled with cubicles and offices. All of them looked like there has never been a paper set on them. As if they were there for show. Mikey ran his finger across one of the desks to see the layer of dust left behind.

"Don't think anyone's been here in a while." He commented.

"Yeah well, office jobs ain't normally something people are too lively about." Raph commenter, kicking up some dust as he walked. Mikey was about to make a comment but heard some rustling from the emergency staircase.

"Hold up." He whispered, causing both he and Raphael crouched slightly. They could see the door was slightly opened and a light trail of clear floor, like a broom swept through a narrow part of the dust. Both brothers were careful and snuck towards the door and notice the clear trail was up the stairs as well. Raph reached up to turn on the communicator to tell his other brothers the situation.

"Yo Donnie." He whispered. He didn't gain a response back and only static. "Hey!" He tapped at it and it still didn't respond.

"Shit, lost connection." He mumbled. Mikey kept his eyes on the stairs and noticed something bright and green at the top before it disappeared to the top of the stairs.

"Come on!" Mikey called as he dashed up the stairs. Raph tried to keep up as Mikey was taking two steps at a time.

When they got up to the 6th floor, Mikey slowed down his urgency to take in his surroundings to see it wasn't like the 3rd floor anymore. It was much darker and harder to determine the shapes and furniture. Raph got up and tried to narrow his sense but was having an issue as Mikey trying to figure out what was on this floor.

"Where did it go?" Raph asked out loud. Mikey skimmed over once more till he notice the bright green in the corner. He walked over, catching Raphs attention to follow and kneeled down.

It was small, maybe the size of Mikey's palm. It didn't have a face but had little feet and a long curled tail.

"What...is it?" Mikey asked. Raph didn't answer trying to get ahold of Donnie again. He could hear murmurs on the other end but it still wasn't clear. He looked down and saw Mikey reaching out towards the small creature.

"The hell you Think you're doing?" Raph said.

"It looks scared. Just seeing if it's friendly." Mikey said as he got closer to the creature. The little monster turned towards the approaching hand and sniffed at it only to take a chomp on Mikey's finger.

"Ouch!" He cried pulling away, seeing the small creature drew blood.

"Answer enough for you?" Raph said sarcastically. Raphael looked back at the creature seeing it lick up the reminiscence of Mikey's blood and it changed to a bright yellow color.

"The hell?" Raph whispered.

All of a sudden, the creature ran off and the floor lights of the room turned on. The room was tinted in blue and showed what this floor was used for.

A lab.

They looked over the room to see large canisters filled with some sort of liquid. Surgery instruments scattered across the tables.

Both brothers knew they were somewhere they really shouldn't have been.

"You think we can try Donnie and Leo again?" Mikey offered up.

"What? Ain't no one here let's see what we can find." Raph said walking further in the lab.

"Come on Raph this is some science shit me and you know nothing about. Let's call them this can be important."

"Geez, didn't know I was talking to Leo." Raph said sarcastically. Mikey was about to say something when they're communicators came online.

"Raph, Mikey, respond!" Leo called out.

"Hey were here." Mikey said.

"Where did you guys go?" He asked.

"Dead zone?" Mikey offered up. "But hey you guys might wanna come meet us where we're at, some science stuff Donnie might appreciate." Raph passed a passive look gaining Mikey sticking his tongue back at him.

"What floor?" Donnie asked.

Before Mikey could respond and shake in the building caused them to lose their footing.

"What the hell was that?" Raph yelled.

"Shit." Donnie responded. "The bombs are going off throughout the building! They're not on schedule and they're not going off at once."

"That's a good thing though right?" Mikey asked.

"No that means there's chances of fires. We gotta get out of here now!" Donnie said.

"Alright regroup back at the roof. Move now!" Leo called as another one of the bombs at the lower levels went off.

"You guys gonna be okay getting out?" Raph called in concern.

"Heading out now! Hurry!" Leo called back. Another bomb went off, causing Raph and Mikey to tumble over.

"Well, not the kind of ride I wanted to be on today." Raph said. He looked around and saw the large window at the end of the room and darted toward it. He was about to get to it when he was suddenly thrown to the side, crashing into the tables.

"Raph!" Mikey called. He froze where he stood as he saw a tall, far too familiar figure emerge from the shadows.

"Meddling turtles." It said. "Always sticking your nose in places it shouldn't be." It stepped out from where it head to show it was none other than the Shredder.

"Hey I didn't know you worked late." Mikey joked, pulling out his chucks. "Isn't that the fun part about being the boss is having other people doing the late shifts?" He darted at their enemy witn full force attempting to get him. The Shredder was quicker, unusually quicker and caught Mikey's swinging arm and flung him across the room like a doll and watched him crash hard. Mikey laid there for a moment and groaned. That was unexpected from the shredder. That move was far too smooth for anyone, even a trained martial artist to perform.

"Respond!" Leo's muffled command came to Mikey's brain. As he got back up he saw Raph going back at The Shredder, having a better chance at dodging his attack's than Mikey did.

"Leo." Mikey responded with a groan.

"Mikey where are you guys?" He asked, sounding like he was running.

"Still in the building. Ran into an old buddy. You guys should come up and say hi." Mikey jumped back up quickly, trying to get Shredder from the back as Raph had him distracted from the front but it was as if Shredder had eyes in the back of his head as he was able to dodge Mikey's attack and punched him right in the jaw and knocking him back down, causing the communicator to be knocked off his head.

Within the fighting another bomb had been set off, tipping the building on its axis and tampering with some of the power lines. Suddenly I fire broke out within the room and began to engulf the machines and experiments, as if this is how it was planned.

Raphael groaned, wiping the blood off his chin and charging once more at the Shredder. There was something strange about their notorious villain. He seemed more cartoonish in his moves. He aimed his sai at the crook of the shredders mask but as if predicting that move, the Shredder bent strangely to the side and with swift movements pulled out a knife from one of the many hiding places on his armor and swiftly got the back of Raphs thigh. Raphael went down like a sack of potatoes and gripped at his leg.

"Fuck!" He groaned. He looked up to see the Shredder walking towards him. Raphael attempted to get up but his leg felt strange. It was tingle and turning numb.

Shit.

This bastard just poisoned him.

Raphael started to feel himself sweat, a combination of the poison and the building fire around them.

"Like it?" Shredder asked. "A new formula my lab had cooked up. Don't fret you won't die, but it will be easier for me to transport you." He spoke.

"Wha-" he choked feeling the numbing go up his leg. Shredder attempted to lung forward till her felt a chain on his wrist. He looked back to see Mikey holding tightly on the other end of the chain, a gash on his forehead.

"Sorry, he's not going anywhere with your ugly mug." He responded. Shredder grabbed on to the end of the chain and a shot of electricity when through his glove and down the metal chain and met with Michelangelo's hand. The shock was incredibly painful, causing Mikey to bite down on his own tongue and groan. When Shredder let go, Mikey fell to the ground on all 4 in exhaustion from the zap.

"Mikey!" Raph called our he attempted to stand up but fell back on one knee. The smoke was building in the room, making it harder to breath and even worse to see. Raphael saw Shredder turn to head back in his direction. He had to think quickly. He grabbed his sai and with all his might and swiftness he could muster he launched at Shredder and dug his sai into the man's side as hard as he could.

Raph tumbled over to the side, trying to avoid running into any of the flames. He looked to see the Shredder was not even dazed by the attack, he stood there firm and proud as ever with a sai sticking out of his side.

"Hey Shredder.." Raph said out of breath. "What vitamins are you taking huh? I need to get on that wagon." As he was talking, he pulled out a few throwing stars and kept them behind his back.

"Your distractions are pointless." Shredder responded.

"Distractions? What distractions? I'm just trying to better my health." Raph quickly pulled his arm up ready to throw.

The Shredder moved so quickly Raph couldn't even respond when he took hold of his wrist.

"I don't have time for these games, turtle." With godly strength, Shredder picked Raphael up and flung him hard across the concrete floors, making him slam hard in the crippling wall. Raphael was flat on his front, using all his might to push himself up. His leg was now completely numb, blood painting his green skin. His body shook trying to get up. He turned his head to see the Shredder approaching him. He could barely breathe from

The smoke, burning his eyes in the process. Once Shredder was only a few feet from him, Raphael was mentally preparing himself for a blow.

"I have no more time to waste with you turtle. You'll just have to come as a corpse." Shredder raised his blades and brought them down. Raphael flinched away ready for the hit.

It never came.

He heard a grunt, and the burning of the fires and another boom from the lower levels.

He opened his eyes to see Michelangelo standing over him.

"Mike!" He called but Mikey didn't respond. He looked to see his was standing in close proximity of the Shredder. A little too close for comfort. Mikey was shaking. Like he was struggling to keep hold of something.

"Mikey.." Raphael's breath was caught when he looked down on the floor between his little brothers legs to see a pool of blood.

Mikey was gripping at the Shredders bladed arm, shaking. His breathing was ragged and blood dripping from the corner of his mouth. Somehow the Shredder has created a blade sharp enough to penetrate the turtle's shell, and Michelangelo was just impaled by said blades.


	4. Gray Area

Gray Area

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After the brothers parted ways, Leo and Donnie made their way to the front of building keeping close to the shadows avoiding the street lights. With quick movements, Donatello worked his magic and bypassed the original security codes on the front door and made their way inside. Leo followed behind, shutting the door behind him with the uttermost silence.

Light on their feet, they made their way across the main floor passing the security check in and in the back to the abandoned office rooms only to find nothing. Leonardo pushed another door open to find nothing but an empty conference room collecting dust and bugs.

"Nothing." He said. Donnie nodded in agreement before reaching up to connect his communicator.

"Me and Leo are in." He said. "Mainframe was not on the 1st floor. Going to the second now." He looked around and felt the strange emptiness of the building. "Strange, the building isn't schedule to go till Tuesday so why isn't one here?"

"Lets not stick around to meet up with any late attendees." Leo said, closing the door. "Raph, you and Mikey go up to the 3rd floor no higher. Let's keep it close." He said before leading the way to the nearby stairs to make it up to the 2nd floor.

"Roger that." Raph said on the communicator leaving a bad taste in Leo's mouth.

Leonardo and Donatello made their way to the second floor after getting through the elaborate security code on the fire escape stairwell.

"Odd." Donnie murmured as he cracked its code and opened the door.

"The lock or its location?" Leo asked, slowly opening the door.

"Both." Donnie said following the eldest into the next hallway.

The second floor was drastically different from the first, and for obvious reasons. The floor itself was almost like a main communication on a space station. Only, the space station was on vacation.

Leo broke out his flashlight and shined around the room and noticed a strange looking monitor in the middle of the room.

"Think I found your main frame Donnie." Leo said. Donnie walked over to it and brushed off the collecting dust. The purple banded turtle looked over to the side to see the pillars blinking red and in that moment picked up the sound of the youngest.

"Hey Don." He said in the communicator. "What are these blinking light things on the walls?"

"Those would be the bombs for the Demo." Don said. "Don't touch them Mikey." multitasking by turning on the computer.

"Trust me if I felt like losing a limb I would steal some of Raph's porno." A slight slap could be heard from the communicator.

"Knock it off. Keep focus." Leo reminded them before clicking off, keeping attentive to their surroundings.

Donnie turned the computer on and got to work but immediately froze.

"Damn." He said under his breath.

"What's the problem?" Leo asked, leaning over the look at the screen and Donnie's fingers working at hyperspeed.

"It's all encrypted. Probably data they weren't able to move and needed to be destroyed. This will take time." He said.

"How much time?" he asked.

"Hard to say, this is pretty intense. It's going to need some outside equipment." Donnie explained.

"Should we just put it on a USB and drop it off at the police station?" Leo asked.

"If we did they would just toss it. They can't determine with their technology. This looks oddly familiar but I can't put my finger on it." Donnie said pulling out a small disk before inserting it to the mouth of the CPU. "I'll take what I can and try to decipher it." He explained watching as the information begin to upload.

Leo couldn't help but to watch over his shoulder.

"Why would they leave out so much stuff in an abandoned building?" Leo said in a low tone. "Clearly the first floor was a decoy. I wonder what they were doing here."

"Whatever it was it most certainly wasn't for the public eye." Donnie said. Leo clicked at his communicator to turn it on but was greeted with static.

"Mikey, Raph come in?" He only received silence as a response.

""Raph, Mikey, respond!" Leo called out.

"Hey were here." Mikey said. Leo felt his heart settle hearing Mikey's voice.

"Where did you guys go?" He asked.

"Dead zone?" Mikey said, he was slightly breaking up. "But hey you guys might wanna come meet us where we're at, some science stuff Donnie might appreciate." That peaked Donnie's interest

"What floor?" Donnie asked.

They immediately felt a tremor under their feet and knew it wasn't a good sign.

"Donnie?" Leo asked, immediately tensing. Donnie switched over the screens on the computer and took an intake of breath.

"Shit." He took the disk quickly out of the computer. "Bombs were remotely activated!" Another thundering boom flooded the building.

"What the hell was that?" Raph yelled through the com.

"Shit." Donnie said, grabbing the disk and putting it in his pouch. "The bombs are going off throughout the building! They're not on schedule and they're not going off at once."

"That's a good thing though right?" Mikey asked, still breaking up on the other end.

"No that means there's chances of fires. We gotta get out of here now!" Donnie said running towards the fire escape.

"Alright regroup back at the roof. Move now!" As he said that, one of the bombs on the second floor went off, causing Leo to immediately shield Donnie and push him through the door.

"You guys gonna be okay getting out?" Raph called in concern.

"Heading out now! Hurry!" Leo called back. Another bomb went off right above them, causing the foundation to start to crumble. Leo and Donnie were swift at dodging the debris coming down . Suddenly, the ceiling of the door came down in front of them, stopping their exit.

"Raph, Mikey we're blocked in looking for another way!" Leo said turning back up to the second floor. He received nothing but static.

Donnie took his boe-staff and blocked some falling material as they made it back up the stairs to the same room they were trying to escape.

"Respond!" Leo yelled, blocking his face as another bomb went off flinging concrete at his face, nicked his bicep.

"Leo you alright?" Donnie asked, catching his balance as the very foundation they stood on was beginning to unravel.

"Respond!" Leo yelled again, ignoring his brothers concern, his main focus was hearing the other end.

"Leo." Mikeys voice came in barely through the static.

"Mikey where are you guys!" He yelled, looking around for an exit.

"St-...co….buddy…" And with that the communicator went dead and a sinking feeling fell in Leo's pit. This wasn't good and only hoped his gut was wrong.

"Leo!" Donnie called out pointing at the blown out window barely blocked by the falling ceiling. Leo settled himself. There was no time to panic right now. He and Donnie needed to get out.

With that, he and Donnie made their way out of the falling building and headed back to the roof and waited for the two brothers to come out. He only prayed Michelangelo would come back to him like he promised.

* * *

The fire burned around them, crackling and sharding the entire room in black and smoke. Raph sat there on the ground, looking up at his baby brother grasping at their greatest enemy. His ragged breathing blending with the flaming background, becoming that of the orange screen.

The Shredder didn't move where he stood, he amused the idea of the little turtle holding him back from attacking the injured brother but was growing bored.

"Heh." The Shredder groaned, pushing his blade farther up into Mikey's gut, causing the turtle to grunt, a steady stream of blood coming from his mouth.

"Mikey!" Raph tried to stand but his body failed him, making him fall face forward. Mikey was trying to stay calm to the best of his ability. But this was a pain he had never experienced. He felt gut wrenched, literally. His body trembled trying to keep the blade from going any further.

"Pathetic turtles." The Shredder commented body once again twisting so strangely, paying no attention to the beams falling around them, as if he didn't have a mind in the world that the building was coming down on top of their heads. "To think you were ever a threat. What a feeble attempt to save your own lives."

"Dude.." Mikey croaked out trying to crack a smile at the dark armored man. "Y-you really need to stop talking." His grip suddenly changed on the Shredder's upper arm. "You really should keep an eye on your enemies." With that the Shredder heard a weird popping noise and looked down to see smoke cracklers placed all across his arms ready to go off.

"Gah!" The Shredder immediately pulled away, making Mikey gag as the blades were removed. The bombs went off across the Shredders arm, cutting through the armor and slicing the flesh underneath.

The Shredder backed up, the floor underneath his steps giving out making him trip and fall into a burning pillar.

"Gah-ah!" He hollered as his body disappeared within the flames.

Mikey stood for a moment, trying to feel accomplished of getting the Shredder away even if it was temporary. But, within the moment the adrenaline left his body, he fell to his knees, grasping his middle instantly.

"Mike!" Raph hollered, almost like he had forgotten he had been poisoned he attempted to stand and reach his brother. His leg immediately gave out the second he stood and landed back on his shoulder. He grunted and pushed himself up and crawled over to look and see Mikey was leaning forward, one hand on the ground and the second grasping his middle and dragging for breath. But what Raphael paid attention to was the pooled blood and it staining the green skin of his youngest brother.

"Shit, Shit Mikey!" Raph Rambled looking over the wound. It was one he had never seen before. Never have they had the issue of some breaking their plastron, especially to this extent. That was always their advantage. But now, Raphael didn't know what to do.

Mikey felt the searing pain and torn flesh and looked down at his palm and tried hard not to panic.  
"Raph that's a lot of blood." He said, voice almost too high pitched. "W-why so much blood." He could feel his body starting to panic, limbs going numb and vision crossing. He felt like he was dying.

It might be because he was.

"Fuck!" Raphael yelled. He immediately went to his communicator and felt he didn't have it. "Okay, okay shit okay!" He rambled to himself. With every fiber of his being, he ignored the smoke flooding his vision and tried to control his breathing to preserve the last bit of the oxygen as he forced his leg down and balance on the basically useless limb.

"Come on bro I'm gonna get ya out of this!" He yelled reaching down and grabbing Mikey's arm and forcing him up.

"Ah! Stop, Stop!" Mikey yelled, trying to curl himself up, feeling the thin lining under his plastron beginning to tear.

"Can't we gotta move!" Raphael argued, finally getting Mikey's arm over his shoulder and prepping him on his side.

"Come on Mikey we gotta go!" Raphael said, leading the two out towards the broken window which Raphael was aiming at in the first place.

Mikey tried his best to walk at his brothers pace but found he was losing control of his leg work and was tripping over his own feel. This wasn't looking good.

"Raph-" He croaked trying to crack a smile. "Guess I know what it-it feels like to be a turtle without their s-shell." He groaned.

"Shut up Mikey." Raphael growled, dodging some following debris. "Ain't no time for jokes.

"Ah come on Raph, I think I'm allowed to be melodramatic." His chest suddenly tightened, forcing him to cough up more blood, making Raph rustle a little faster. Right before they made it to the window, Mikey felt parts of his body give in, becoming almost like dead weight and throwing Raph off tremendously. It almost caused him to fall over which wouldn't end well for either of them. Raphael was able to use every piece of strength he had to keep him and Mikey up to make it to the end of the opening.

It wasn't the out they were hoping for.

Raph completely blanked on the fact they were almost 10 stories high, which would have been a piece of cake for both of them in decent health. But with Raph's legs out of commission and Mikey bleeding out, this could be the equivalence of climbing Mount Everest.

"Shit!" Raph seered, looking around in hopes maybe Leo and Donnie were in sight but he wasn't able to see a thing with all the smoke and flame.

Another tremble was a reminder that this building was meant to come down any minute and fast acting thinking was needed which was no either of the brothers strong suits.

"Alright, alright! We got this Mikey we'll figure this out! Maybe if it breaks off at an angle we can just and hopefully land in a trash can or maybe use our shells to break the fall." Raph grumbled out, feeling Mikey's body getting heavier and heavier. He had to think.

 _Think!_

Mikey wasn't hearing anymore. He started to see portions of his surroundings in blurs. He could sense Raph was talking. Probably trying to come up with a plan to save them with the least amount of damage.

His heart of hurting because he knew they weren't going to make it out of here unscaved. All he could think about was Leo. His smile, his laugh, his heart and soul. All he could imagine was behind held once more by his mate. Just once more. But it was just an imagination. But that was okay.

That was his peace.

That was enough.

"Raph." Mikey said calmly.

"Yeah? What bro what is it?" Raph said almost hysterically in hopes maybe Mikey had thought of plan.

"Do me a favor would ya?" He asked, straightening out enough for Raph to release his hold slightly.

"Yeah bro anything what do ya need?" Raph responded, still under the impression Mikey had a plan to save them.

Mikey looked up at him, his orange tails swaying along with the breeze as he offered his brother a soft smile as if the world around them was paused for this very moment.

"Tell Leo I'm sorry." He said. Raph was thrown back by that comment, confused as to what he meant.

"What why-"

Without much warning, Mikey used whatever last bit of energy he had and rammed Raph's body off the side. With the forced used to knock his brother, he fell to the ground and watch as Raphael fell off the building.

Raphael couldn't speak, he couldn't think because he was so baffled and shocked. It all moved in slow motion, as if a camera was catching every single moment as he fell off this burning building and Michelangelo watching over him like an angel.

Michelangelo saved his life.

And all Raph could do was see that smile one last time before it disappeared behind the flames.


	5. Red

A/N: Hiiiiii: I know, Im a liar I said I would update like 2 weeks ago and I am so sorry about that but look! updated less than a month this time :D But I just wanted to announce how happy I am because Cherish won 3rd place for best romance in universal readers and I am incredibly happy and thankful for my readers for putting my stories on the map! Now lets get Proving a Point some recognition (: (Only if I post on time I knowwww)

Till next time!

-F

Red

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Ringing.

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A strong ringing noise in Raphael's head, singing like the heavens gracing him with their presence. He would of expected the whites and blues of the entrance of the holy gate with that noise.

No.

He might as well been in hell.

He opened his eyes slowly, barely peering out, feeling his head swim in confusion. All he knew is that his body was aching. He tried to move, feeling himself indented into something. It was some sort of metal. The smell gave away the identity of the garbage can under him. He must have landed on it to break his fall.

It was so hot, and his head was swimming. Everything, everything happened so quickly. He could feel the stinging in his leg, the pain he was feeling throughout the rest of his body was masking the venom in his bloodstream enough for him to realize he needed to move. He could hear debris falling around him, the air getting thick with smoke.

The ringing.

So much _ringing._

He was feeling nothing but panic and guilt and all he knew was that he knew needed to move.

 _"Meet at the roof."_

He has a destination. He just needed to move.

Maybe he was in hell, because all he was seeing was red.

* * *

Leo stood at the edge of the building looking over the burning building in the distance. They were far out enough to not be seen, but close enough to keep eye on the upcoming assistance. Donnie got off the scanner and placed it back in his bag.

"Police scanner says the fire department should be here in 5. We should probably get moving." He offered. Leo stood where he was. Donnie understood why Leonardo was refusing to leave, waiting to have confirmation Raph and Mikey were okay. But, the chip that hit Leo's arm made a pretty deep incision on his bicep and Donatello was determined to get it fixed up before it started to get infected.

"Leo come on, they'll meet us back at the lair. We need to look at your arm." Donnie said, placing the USB in his pocket on his belt so he wouldn't lose it.

"I'm fine." Leo responded in a flat tone, refusing to move from his stance. Donnie huffed, sure he was worried for Raph and Mikey too considering the volume of the fire but he wasn't worried enough to believe that they were dumb enough to stick around for too long. He could tell his older brother was in pain considering how strongly he was grabbing at his lower arm, keeping steady he assumed. Donatello watched the blood slide down Leo's arm and couldn't think of that sort of dedication to even ignore a gash like that.

How intimidating.

A rattling caught their attention. They looked over to see Raph climbing up the fire escape, obviously impaired from his wobble up the flights.

"Raph!" Donnie yelled, running over with speed along with Leo right on his tracks.

Raphael didn't register anyone calling his name, the ringing was still far too loud to understand his surroundings too thoroughly. He made it to the 3rd flight of the fire escape before his leg gave out immediately, making him fumble hard against the metal stairs.

"Got you." Donnie said, hopping down on the platform and immediately went to grab under Raphael's arm with Leo mimicking the move on the other side. With strength, the two pulled Raph up straight and brought him up to the roof where they placed him propped up on the air conditioner. Donnie took a quick mental note of the injuries across Raphael body and immediately saw the slash across his calf.

"Raph what happened?" He tried to ask. Raph has his eyes squinted, grunting out the pain and woozy feeling from the poison he thought he might pass out.

Leo looked to see the battle wounds and couldn't help but to wonder if Mikey suffered any of his own. Speaking of, where is Mikey?

Leo looked around and over the side of the roof to see if Mikey was just struggling behind but didn't see his orange banded lover anywhere. Leo started to feel anxious. He walked back over to the air conditioner to see Donnie pulling out his emergency aid kid to clean up any immediate wounds on Raphael.

"Where's Mikey?" Leo asked. It was as if in that moment Raphael felt sober. Mikey.

His last memory of his little brother being engulfed in flames. His hands suddenly growing clammy because in this very moment, he was scared of Leonardo.

Raph looked up at his eldest brother to him so stern and confused. He tried not to sob.

"Raph where is he?" Leo asked again.

Raphael just stared at him, his clouded thoughts coming up with the future events and seeing a future of a broken family.

With no words, he looked past Leo to the burning anything and allowed a choked noise to escape past his lips. Leo followed his eyes and his blood ran cold.

Raph left his other half to burn along with all of the Foots secrets.

"No.." Leo whispered. Donnie dropped his roll of wrap as he felt everything grow a little warmer, a little heavier. He could see the ticking time bomb on Leo's person and Raph was the target. Donnie stood up, ready to get in between if needed but Leo began to back up.

"What floor?" Leo asked looking as though he was out of breath.

"What?" Donnie asked.

"What floor were you on Raph!" He yelled. His fingers twitched he was filled with so much energy. This was too much energy. Raph didn't speak, he only held back a sob. Leonardo didn't have time for this. Donnie was reading his mind.

"Wait Leo _wait_!" Donnie Yelled, watching as Leonardo turned on his heel and dashed for the building.

"Shit!" Donnie yelled, pacing back and forth for a moment before turning to Raph. "Stay here Don't move!" With that he ran after his eldest toward the fire. Raphael sat there, motionless as he watched his leader and his intelligent brother to go find a body that they would never recover.

* * *

Leo didn't even think when he saw the flames, not a care for the burning sensation hitting his face as he got closer to the burning ash. He needed to find Mikey. He needed to save him. He got to the farthest part of the cleared roof, closest to the building to see its foundation was already beginning to crumble. He didn't care.

Instinct told him where to go, finding the one opening back into the tower and charged towards it. He didn't know what floor they were on, what they were doing or how Raph was the only one to get out. All Leo knew was that he needed to search every floor for his Mikey. He wouldn't stop till he did.

With grace, he pounced off the neighboring roof and glided towards one of the higher floors, blasting through the glass and rolled to his feet, hid body instinctively being mindful of his injured arm. When he stood he immediately choked at the lack of oxygen this falling temple had to offer. He coughed, taking in the smoke and flame into his lungs, feeling as though they would collapse. He needed to hurry.

"Mikey!" He yelled but received no response. He began to maneuver his way deeper in when a pillar fell over, almost knocking him off his feet but quickly dodged. When he moved too quickly, he ran right into some burning debris.

"Gah-ah!" He yelled, grasping at his arm which was once again punctured again this night.

He was getting hot, almost light headed from the lack of air and heat.

" _Mikey!_ " He tried again, getting nothing in return but sounds of sparks and thuds. He felt the foundation under his feet begin to crumble. He jumped back at the floor beneath him fell through revealing the lower level.

His vision was starting to bur. He looked around frantically in hopes maybe Mikey was here. Hoping he was here.

A bust of coughs left his body, causing his chest to constrict. He fell to his knees, trying to duck away from the amount of smoke in his chest. He stayed there for a long while, wheezing in pain.

A crash caught his attention from his side and could see green legs running towards him.

"Mikey.." Leo whispered in relief, glad to see familiarity and happy to know his actions weren't in vain.

Those hopes were diminished when Donnie came into view, bending down to help Leo up. The Blue banded turtle didn't fight while being assisted since he could barely function with the amount of smoke in his lungs. He felt Donnie place something over his mouth, breathing slightly easier feeling the cotton against his snout. Donnie used all his strength to balance Leo on his side as he lead them out towards the closest window. Another shake in the building gave Donnie the sense of urgency to get out of there as soon as possible. He was able to dodge the falling foundation and made it to the closest window, bashing through it and hopping out with Leo down to the ground.

They didn't spend much time on the floor, hearing the sirens in the distance.

"Come on!" Donnie urged, pushing Leo towards the ally way as he continued to cough out the last of the smoke. Leo stumbled but made it through to the alley, falling to his knees immediately once the shadows covered them.

He was choking profusely, lungs burning like an ashtray. He gripped his throat, trying to develop saliva to moisten his throat. He coudn't stop breathing to quickly, eyes wide like saucers.

Mikey was in there. He was still in there. He turned quickly and within that moment, the building came down.

" _NO!_ " Leo yelled, being pushed back by the amount of dust and debris that came flying at them. Donnie took cover behind a trash can and Leo kept low, bringing an arm up to protect his eyes, feeling the rocks hitting against his arm.

When it all settled, Leo removed his arm slowly, and looked ahead and felt every part of his body restrict. The building came down.

Mikey was still in there.

 _He's still in there._

Leo stayed crouched, feeling his heart beating so quickly against his chest plate. He felt a piece of him was lost, lost in that building, that fire.

He promised.

He promised he would be okay. He said he would come back.

He promised.

Every inch of Leo's body stung and twitched. His breathing erratic from panic and anxiety.

He _fucking_ promised.

Raph.

Leo's body froze, realization hitting him like a sledgehammer. Raph was there.

He caused this.

He broke Mikey's promise.

Inaudible jabber caught his attention seeing Donnie gripping at his arm, probably telling him to move.

He was going to move.

He was going back up to the roof.

 _He was slipping._

Leo stood up quickly, catching Donatello's attention but wasn't expecting Leo's master speed to beat him up to the roof.

Leonardo wasn't feeling pain right now. He wasn't feeling hurt, and stress.

He was feeling rage.

Donatello could sense the change in behavior and needed to keep up with Leo up to the roof or else Raphael was going to be ripped to shreds.

* * *

Raphael gridded his teeth, feeling the burn of the slash and the swimming thoughts. He felt like there was a thousand voices screaming at once in his head. He felt it all. The rage, the guilt, the utter suspense of what will happen next.

Leo got up on the roof and saw his incapacitated brother and all he saw was red.

"What did you do?" He growled, throat still raw from the fire. Raph felt the stinging sensation of fear. Maybe it was the poison, maybe it was the exhaustion but in that moment he thought he had seen Leo become a wild animal.

Donnie came up quick from the stairs and saw Leo's line of direction to Raph who was still perched against the air conditioning. This Leo was scary, this Leo was was determined and more importantly;

He was deadly.

Donnie thought quick, latched one to Leo with all he had and held onto him like an anchor.

"The hell did you do Raph!" Leo hollered. Raph just sat there overwhelmed. He needed to leave.

"Leo that's enough!" Donnie demanded, forcing Leo to look at him but it wasn't working. "This isn't the time or place for this we need to go!" Leo's canines were out like a dog, face scrunched. Donnie knew he was putting himself in the way of a serious beating but if it meant keeping Leo from losing his cool it was worth.

"I trusted you Raph!" Leo continued to yell at the red banded turtle. "You left him there you son of a bitch you left him!" Leo's character was immediately breaking. He was hurt, hurt deeper than he would ever admit. He could see Raph was fighting back tears. Whether it was from remorse, fear or guilt, Leonardo didn't care.

"I trusted you." Leo said, breathing heavily. Raphael just stared. Leo couldn't stand to look at him any longer.

He shook off Donnie and started to walk in the other direction.

"Leo stop he have to retreat!" he yelled. "Raph's injured and I need to look at your wounds!" Donnie reached for Leo but he continued to walk.

"I have to find him." Leo said getting closer to the edge.

"Leo it's too late the building is down and swarming with people. There's no chance." He tried to reason.

"I'm going to find him. I need to." Leo countered.

"You need to get home and look at your arm!" Donnie reached for him once more but this time Leo pushed back, pushed enough to bring out his blade and make a distance between he and Donnie.

"I need you to step away." Leo said clear and cut. "I'm going to find Mikey if its the last thing I do and you do not want me in the vicinity of _him_ right now." He threatened, referring to Raphael. "If Michelangelo isn't found it could compromise us all." Donnie stood there and took in his brothers conditioned and could see his stoic self was starting to fully unravel.

Without another word, Leo jumped off the side of the roof.

"Leo wait!" Donnie called out but his brother had already taken to the shadows and disappeared into the floating smoke covering beneath. Donnie stood there for a moment, mind bottled on what to do. Everything got so out of control so quickly.

He took a few deep breaths and had to trust that Leo wouldn't get caught. His mind was going in a million different directions. The only thing he knew for sure was to get Raph home and take care of those wounds. He couldn't think about Leo right now.

 _Mikey._

Donnie shook it off. Not right now. One thing at a time.

Donnie turned back to see that Raph was no longer by the air conditioner.

"Raph?" He looked around. "Raph!" Donnie searched every inch of the roof for clues as to where the injured turtle might of gone but no luck. Donnie swallowed a few times and sat down next to the unit and tried to regulate his breathing. Everything came down so hard. Just like the building. Just like his family. And here he was, alone with his thoughts as the sirens continued to blare, clouding his mind as he tried to process Raphael got Michelangelo killed.


	6. Cold

Cold

.

.

.

.

Floating.

.

.

It almost felt like he was floating. Floating between the lines of the oxygen in the air itself. It felt so surreal, so insecure for its own sitting. How light he had felt. It made him nervous, unclear and panicked. He twitched his fingers, almost like he could feel his bloodstream past through his finger tips. How unreal this all was.

A slight murmuring noise came through, it was recognizable. The buzzing after noise gave away the location of the noise being the TV. Peeling his eyes open took more effort than he thought. He felt his heart rate spike for a moment, as if he was being brought back to life. Raphael moved his tongue and could have sworn he came down with some cotton mouth.

When he finally was able to open his eyes fully, it was blurred more than expected, but after a few blinks, he realized he was looking up at a dirty ceiling fan. He groaned, feeling a slow sting in his leg as his body began to awaken.

He got up a little too quickly, feeling the world around him tilt. His stomach twisted almost as if he was about to throw up. He bent forward, gripping at his center, realizing he had a blanket covering him.

"Fuck.." He slurred, looking around to see the television blaring and realized he was in Casey's apartment. How did he get here?

"About time you got up." He heard his friend speak from the hallway, coming into the living room heading to the kitchen. Raphael shook his head slightly and watched his friend.

"How long have I been out?" He asked, kicking his feet over to the side so he could sit up, immediately grimacing and looked down at his leg, seeing a large slash going down it. What the hell did he do?

Casey opened up the fridge and pulled out a couple of beers and heading back to the living room and handed one to Raph.

"About a day." He said taking a seat in the arm chair. " Ya know next time ya come crashing into my house, go through the door." He pointed with his thumb the busted window on the side. "Ya got in some gnarly fight there man. What happened?" He asked. "I tried to ask Donnie but he was pretty quick to get off the phone. But I did let him know ya were here." He said, taking a swig from his beer. Raph opened the one handed to him, seconds away from taking a sip before he looked up at the tv and saw that the news was on. His body went stiff, seeing the headlining news was the burnt down Saki Tech building. It was mumbling about how it was an accidental demolition, malfunction in the wiring. All of it was coming back. The explosions, the fire, the blood, _Shredder_.

Mikey.

His hand forgot how to work, dropping his open beer onto the floor with a muffled slap.

"Bro!" Casey yelled, attempting to reach for the beer before it fell but was no use. He was ready to yell at Raphael but when he looked up, it looked as though his friend had just seen a ghost.

"Shit Raph, you okay?" Casey asked. Reaching forward but before he could try to embrace his friend, Raphael jumped up suddenly, feeling a different sort of turn in his stomach.

Knowing he wasn't going to make it to the bathroom, Raph ran to the kitchen and made it to the sink, releasing whatever bile he had in his stomach. His whole body twitched and ache remembering the nights events and immediately felt panic. Fear. How can he face his family? How can he continue forward knowing Michelangelo wasn't going to be home?

How was he going to face Leonardo?

"Woah woah woah Raph what the hell bro?" Casey asked, trying to pull Raph from the sink. "Were ya in that?" he asked pinning together Raph's reaction. He was able to pry Raph off the sink and brought him back to sit on the edge of the couch. Casey took a seat on the folded chair next to him and looked at his friend with concern.

"Raph, the hell's going on?" Casey asked, seeing the thin glass of tears in Raph's eyes. Raph couldn't think rational, he could only speak what he thought.

"I killed him." He said with a choked voice. Casey was a little taken back by the statement, chuckling nervously for a moment.

"What? Who?" He asked, slightly uncomfortable by the way Raph was looking at him. He was able to see the pain and the guilt that Raphael was holding and was curious as to why he looked at the way that he did but he feel deep down that maybe he didn't want to know the answer I knew he had to ask.

Rap couldn't speak as he felt the icy tingle go throughout his body, his heart rate racing like a horse on a track unable to stop. He knew he had to go home and face what you done but felt like a small child needing to be held. He couldn't bare the idea of looking at his father and admitting his wrongs or seeing the disappointment on Donatello's face if he walked through the door. What scared him most was the wrath that he knew he would feel from his eldest brother. The absolute damage that he had caused his family was something that he knew he would not be able to handle.

His hollow eyes looked up and through the fog of his tears he could see the family photo that Casey had up above the television and couldn't help but to feel his heart twinge and break as he saw the smile of his little brother in that photo remembering the day they all went fishing. He was so happy he was that he was the only one to have caught fish. He remembered how proud Leo was of him, how Donnie congratulated him and how Raph and Casey would tease him. That photo was only taken about a month ago and yet it felt like a lifetime.

Casey looked in the same direction that Raphael did and saw the family photo and was curious as to why he was so fixated on Michelangelo but then he finally connected the dots and immediately felt that same twinge in his body and his heart sank into his stomach as he looked back at his friend and realize what it happened.

"Raph." He said cautiously. "What did you do?" He asked. Raph could feel his emotions getting the best of him.

"I fucked up." he said. "I fucked up real bad."

Casey didn't know what to say as he leaned back in the chair and took a breath.

"Shit…"

was all he could think of. "Where's Leo?" Casey asked, feeling concern for the eldest well being, feeling empathetic towards the eldest, knowing full well the relationship he shared with Michelangelo.

Raphael did register what Casey had just asked, all he knew said he felt guilt weighing on him like thousand pounds on his chest. He didn't wanna move, he didn't know what to think or what to say. He looked back at his best friend and with the most pitiful look that he had ever given the asked,

"What should I do?"

"What?" Casey responded.

"What will I do Case?" Raph asked again. Casey sat there in silence for a moment pondering over what his friend _should_ do.

"I think you need to go home." He stated bluntly. A sense of panic him.

"I can't do that! I can't!" Raphael said, sounding like a child. "They won't forgive me."

Casey started speaking in a lower, more serious tone. "That's something you're gonna have to face. hiding away isn't going to solve anything. it's not gonna bring him back. You need to be with your family." Raph took a couple of breaths and swallowed hard.

"Do you hate me?" raph asked. Casey Didn't answer the question as he stood up and reached his hand out to Raphael.

"Come on, ill drive you home."

"You didn't answer me." Raph pointed out. Casey sighed, feeling the sadness overtake him.

"I don't hate you, but you need to go home and figure this out." Raph bit his lip as he got up and followed his friend out the door. Since it was daylight, they tried to stay close to the shadows till they made it to Casey's truck.

* * *

Raph was careful, keeping his head down away from any wandering eyes. He was uncomfortable from the lack of communication from Casey. He was feeling the judgement and the hate from his friend and was falling deeper in himself for it. He was so guilty.

And as if Faith didn't already screw with him enough, they just so happenly needed to drive down the same street the building had fallen from. Raphael felt that same sinking feeling seeing the broken pillars and lingering smoke, seeing the construction workers working tirelessly to remove the extra debris. What a pitiful sight.

He could have sorn he saw it, but a flash of green past overhead and had a feeling he knew where Leo was.

When Casey finally got to the garage, barely two words were passed between them as Casey immediately jump to the phone to call April, assuming that he was letting her know the situation.

Raphael was quick and nimble as he opened the garage door and went down the elevator to the main entrance of his home he could feel his blood run cold as he stood in front of the door. He was terrified of what might be on the other side. He knew Leo wasn't home, considering he he was pretty sure that he saw him at the construction site, but what about Donnie? His father? he was going to be judged and he was going to be hated and he didn't know if he was mentally prepared for that kind of abuse at this moment. He also knew it was now or never. He push the door open and was welcome to silence. The TV wasn't on, there was no practice being done, no food being cooked and no machines being clanged. It was as if his home was now lifeless considering his light of the family was gone.

The immediate sound of running caught his attention is the saw from the lab Donnie appear. he looked almost excited.

"Leo?" He asked, his excitement dropped, and posture calmed seeing it was not the eldest at the door.

"Hey." Donnie said.

"Hi." Raph said, feeling awkward. He could see Donnie was feeling visibly the same.

"I-I lost you." Donnie stuttered out. "I didn't know where you ran off too. I got ahold of Casey and he let know you ended up over there. Told me you were safe." Raph knew Donnie was choosing his words wisely, making sure Raphael knew the reason for the lack of excitement from Donatello was because he was already aware he was fine.

"Yeah, he told me." Raphael said. Donnie scanned over his younger brother to see the slash on his leg.

"I should probably take a look at that." He said, not looking Raph in the eye. Raph this entire time was ignoring the pain of the slit but realized its sting once it was mentioned. He nodded in agreement and started to move in the direction of the lab.

"Um." Donnie spoke up, stepping in the way of Raph's path. "Before that, Master Splinter wants to talk to you." Raphael couldn't move for a second, seeing his father seemed more terrifying than facing Leo any day.

With a shaky breath, he turned and headed straight for his father's room. He opened the door with care, seeing the candles lit and the smell of ambient oils filled his nostrils. The smell of mourning.

"Kneel." His father voice sounded like it boomed through his ear drums and he went down slowly on the mat, keeping his head low. He heard Master Splinter walk around the room, probably relighting a few candles but Raphael was too scared to look.

"I was awoken last night." Master Splinter started, continuing to walk around the room, "A dream of fire and blood. I felt fear and rage and sadness all in one. Then, I felt empty as if someone had taken a piece of my soul and ripped it from this earth." Splinters walking stopped and his voice could be heard now in front of Raphael.

"I meditated, connecting with you and your brothers. You were in desperation and guilt. Donatello was confused and scared. Leonardo…" Splinter trailed off for a moment before clearing his throat.

"Look at me Raphael." he demanded softly. Raph gulped, holding back his tears as he needed to face his Master. He looked up and instead of seeing rage on his father's face, he saw defeat, sadness.

"When I tried to connect with Michelangelo, I couldn't." Splinter said. "As if his soul was no longer attach to this world and I need to know why Raphael. Where is your brother?" Raphael couldn't bare it for any longer. In a broken sob, he bowed.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry father please forgive me! I failed! I failed as a ninja, as a brother and son. I couldn't- I couldn't even protect myself. Mikey he-" He looked back up at Master Splinter who sat there in silence.

"He saved my life father. He sacrificed himself for me and I didn't deserve that. It was my fault we were in there and I fucked up but he still protected me." it was almost like Splinter didn't even register his words but only took in one fact.

"So it is true, he is gone?" He asked. Raphael nodded his head slowly and with the confirmation Splinter took a breath. "What was your goal Raphael?" He asked. When Raph thought back to his reasoning behind disobeying Leo, it seemed so childish.

Because that's all he was, a child.

"I just, wanted to piss Leo off." He admitted. "I didn't have a good reason."

"Raphael, for years I have always wondered where this underlying hatred you carry came from." Splinter started. "Your rage and anger have made you commit some serious mistakes. I have tried to understand you better, be the father you wanted me to be for you but no matter what teachings, or what love I gave you, you give in to your rage and it creates these problematic situations like the one we are in." He stated. Raph kept his head down, knowing his father was right.

"I understand." he said quietly. " I understand if you hate me father. I don't deserve forgiveness for this." He said. Splinter could feel the heavy guilt weighing hard on his son. His posture softening for him, like it always did.

"Michelangelo, was a trained ninja just as you are. He made decisions on his own, and he chose to save you. He has done the ultimate sacrifice for this family and we all can be proud of him for that. And he must also share the burden of your shared decision. You didn't force Michelangelo to follow you into that building. Do not place it all on your Shoulders Raphael. You take what you can bare, and we can do is learn, and move forward." He said.

"Can you forgive me father?" He asked timidly.

" I can. In time Raphael. At this moment I do believe you must fester in the outcome of your decisions. I am still your father, and I will forever love you unconditionally. But as your teacher, as your sensei, I will need time to trust you fully. Take this gift that Michelangelo has left you with care Raphael. He lost his life for you. You honor that, and grow from it." Raphael listened to his father's words carefully, and heard the care and treatment his father always had for him. He felt a slight ease in his stress.

"Leo won't forgive me." He said, the mention of the eldest name rose a sense of sterness in Splinter's tone.

"You let me worry about Leonardo's behavior and action. Trust me when I say Raphael that it will be corrected." Raphael could sense the threat in that statement but didn't have the energy to dig too much into it.

"What happens now?" Raph asked with hesitation. Splinter got up, and began to blow out a few of the candles that were around.

"I will be contacting the Daimyo in short." He said. "We will have a celebration in Michelangelo's name. It is what any warrior would have wanted." How bittersweet his father's words were. How ironic after Michelangelo's death do have a party in his name. How he would have wanted it.

Raphael couldn't stop listening back to his father's words about Leo. What did he mean his actions would be corrected? Leo didn't do anything wrong. At least, not to Raph he didn't do anything. But all Raph knew was, he was going to get himself patched up, and head out to the construction site to help his brother out with his fruitful idea that Mikey could be saved.

 _ **A/N: Hellooooo I do apologize for the incredibly late update, I had a pretty intense family emergency and needed to get my life together but I am back! I am currently trying to update a bunch of stories at once but i LOVE this story and I couldn't resist updating it. So leave me a comment on what you think of this chapter :)**_

 _ **Till next time!**_

 _ **-F**_


	7. Hurt

Hurt

.

.

.

Raphael sat there on the bench, allowing Donnie to clean the wound on his leg again and rewrap it for the 3rd time since he was home. How uncomfortable it has been since he has been since the fire. Raphael and Donatello have barely spoken two words to each other in the past 24 hours besides reminders of check ins and making sure the slash of Raph's leg wasn't infected.

Master Splinter was keeping to himself for the most part, hiding away in his room. He was mediating.

Mourning.

"There." Donnie said quietly, adding the last wrap around to the bandage. "Should be good to go. Just don't get it wet for a couple of days." Raph sat there for a moment, observing Donnie as he started to put away the first aid material. He appreciated Donnie for many reasons.

Donnie was a scientist and an engineer and at one point really resented trying to add medical practice to his every day routine. But, as the missions began to increase, and dangers lead to injury, Donnie took the time to learn some of the basics from minor surgery to medications they were able to take and not take because of their anatomy. Raph always appreciated Donnie going the extra mile to help his family, and couldn't help but to think how underappreciated he may feel.

But that was the one thing Raph couldn' t figure out about Donnie, how he actually felt. Donnie has always been on top about keeping his emotions in check. He never stepped out of place unless it was necessary and was pretty transparent about situations and their solutions. Maybe that's why Leo appreciates having the intelligent turtle in his corner, to help keep feelings neutral. But even Donnie won't be able to fix this mess.

Donatello got up and began to put the items away in silence but Raph couldn't hold it anymore.

"Don." Raph said with a gruffed tone. Donnie stopped in place, but didn't respond. Raphael could feel his jaw was beginning to tremble thinking about what he was going to say to his brother. What he wanted to say.

"Do you- do you hate me now?" How childish he sounded, like an injured infant. He could feel his pride ripping in half waiting for his brothers response. He never realized how much he actually cared about Donnie's opinion of him until serious things like this come along. He wanted his insight, his care, and most importantly, his acceptance.

"I don't hate you Raph." He said quietly. "This is um, well this is awkward I guess." Donnie said. Raphael didn't miss the shake in his brothers hand holding the roll of gauze. Donatello took a sharp intake of breath, "We just need to work through this as a family. Nothing more we can do at this moment." Yes, Donnie has always been good at hiding how he truly feels but knew how to state the obvious.

 _Fuck it._

Raphael stood up quickly, catching Donnie off guard before heading out of the medical center to the front doors.

"Where are you going?" Donnie asked. Raphael stood there for a second, feeling so anxious.

"I need to go help Leo." He said.

"Raph you know that's not a good idea." Donnie pointed out. "You're still injured and there is probably a clean up crew assigned to the area. And also with Leo.." He trailed off, knowing that Raph knew where he was leading to.

None of them have seen or heard from Leonardo since the fire and the only real assumption was that he was still at the site of the building looking for the remains of their youngest brother. But, Donatello knew that Leo wouldn't go long without keeping one of them updated on his location. For the fact that he hasn't even sent a text means he isn't looking to be found. And Donnie was highly doubting the person he wanted to find him being Raph.

Donnie has only truly feared Leo a handful of times. A skilled martial artists like his brother is something that should be feared but he has never felt terror for himself knowing when Leonardo fights its for his family. But, at that moment he really did fear for Rapael.

"I need to." Raph said quietly. "It's the least I can do is at least bring him home." He said, before opening up the door and walking out to the sewers. Donnie stood there as he watched Raphael leave.

Part of him wanted to go. He wanted to go and help bring their little brother home. But this was something Raph and Leo would have to do together. Also, Donnie knew the likelihood of actually finding Mikey was little to none. The amount of debris and the cement from the building had the weight to crush anything that was in there. There would be no way Mikey's body would have survived that.

He glanced over to his father's door and realized it was probably a good thing that he stayed behind. Master Splinter has expressed his frustrations with the eldest and it was almost concerning. Leonardo was going to need time and Donnie knew that, so he needs to stay back to keep Master Splinter at bay till Leo comes home.

He was always a loner. He would rather be alone with his machines and technology. But, he's never felt so lonely. All Donnie could think of was when Mikey would come in and drag him out of his lab to make him be social. He would find something for them to do and help him clear his head. How joyful and happy. Donnie stood in that dark, cold room and questioned if it will ever feel like that ever again.

* * *

"Haa, Aah," Leonardo huffed after pushing another large plate of cement out of place. He could feel his legs starting to tremble from the amount of labor he was pulling but couldn't stop. The night was the only time he could make a thorough check of the area. During the day he scouted, watching as the construction workers picked up and cleared the wider areas. If he thought there was something suspicious, he would jump down in the knick of time and knock the worker out for a short time so he can examine what they were going to clean up. So far nothing has lead him to Mikey.

At night he worked, clearing as much as his body could withhold. It grew more challenging at night since there was limited light, while still needing to pay attention to his surroundings to make sure there was no lingering people wanting to see the destruction that was caused in their city. With that on top of his own body growing tired from lack of sleep, food, and water; it was understandable as to why he was beginning to feel frail.

But, he couldn't stop. There was no way he could stop now.

He winced, his arm feeling like it was on fire. When he looked, he saw the prior injury he had received from the fire was swollen and very obviously getting infected with the puss gushing at the base of the wound. But that couldn't stop him. He knew he only had a limited time to find Mikey before this lot was cleared. He needed to find him no matter what.

A rustle caught his attention and turned to see Raphael standing in the dim lighted moonlight. Leo was still breathing hard, resperated from all the heavy lifting he had doing, body feeling tight from the heavy lifting and dirt. Shivering, but not from cold or fatigue, but from anger and holding himself back from wanting to charge at his little brother.

Raphael was feeling nervous, scared to say the least. It was taking all of his might to stand there in front of his older brother. Looking at Leo he could see the fatigue and rage. He was locked eyes with Raph and could feel Leo ripping his soul into pieces. He needed to be brave right now. He had to help, he just had to.

"Leo I-"

"Go home." Leonardo's tone was so low, lower than Raphael has ever heard it before. It was threatening, a threat to him if he didn't do what he was told.

Raph's could feel his jaw clenched in anticipation, palms beginning to grow clammy.

"Leo I know you're upset and-"

"I said go home." Leo cut him off again, turning away from his brother quickly attempting to walk away.

"I ain't leaving Leo." He said quietly, wasn't expecting Leo to turn around quickly, stomping at Raph for a short distance.

"I said go home Raph!" He hollered, echoing through the empty streets. Leo was huffing, exhausted. "Just go home."

"No." Raph said, feeling the tears sitting on his lower lids. Leo huffed, throwing his hands down.

"No, why would I think you would you listen to me. You never listen to me. You never _fucking_ listen to me." Leo yelled, making Raph tense. Leonardo wasn't known to raise his voice like this, it was a pretty scary sight. Raph bit his lip.

"Look Leo, I know things are pretty fucked up a-and I know it ain't gonna be fixed ova' night." Raph was trembling, his words tumbling over each other.

What a childish thing he was doing here.

"But I promise ya' on my life this isn't what was supposed to happen. The Shredder, he came out of nowhere and got us good! We tried to contact ya' and Donnie but there wasn't any service. Please Leo, Ya' gotta believe me if I would have known-" He was cut off.

"I don't want your excuses Raph." Leo responded coldly, facing the ground. "It doesn't matter how it happened or why it happened or what we could have done to change it because its done!" He shot up, daggers boring into Raphael. "You think I bark out orders for my own health Raph? Hmm? No, I was preparing for a possible threat that's why I said stay low!" He huffed, a small laugh of sarcasm. "You know I knew you two were up to something because you take advantage of his kindness and you knew he didn't want to make you upset but I let you go because I trusted you! I trusted you Raph to bring him back!" He took a breath, "I just want to know why Raph. Why, why couldn't you just listen to me just this once! What was so important to you that you had to go against me again!"

Raph felt so cold. He could feel the shiver of regret and fear but the nervous sweat on his neck. The lump in his throat made it hard to breathe. Leo was waiting for an answer, but it wasn't going to be a good one.

"I," Raph choked out. "I just wanted to prove a point."

 _How stupid he sounded._

"What?" Leo asked, sounding so confused.

"I just wanted to prove that you can't always control Mikey. You couldn't take him away from me."

 _How truly idiotic it sounded spoken out loud._

Leonardo just stared at him for a moment, then let out a subtle laugh.

"Heh, you serious?" He asked almost dumbfounded. Raphael didn't respond. He was having a hard time keeping his eyes on his eldest. How guilty he felt looking at him.

"Do you know how Ironic this is? You did this in fear I would take him away only for him to be gone from both of us. Guess your childish attempt was pretty pointless then." Leonardo said.

How fucking stupid he really was. "I never, Raph, ever made him do something he didn't want to do! If he wanted to hang out with me, or train with me or meditate with me that was on his own accord because he was his own being, Raph! But all you could do was think of yourself, and your most selfish act cost a whole lot more than you had to offer." How cruel, When Leonardo had nothing to control him, he could be one of the cruelest beings on this planet.

Fighting the tears was getting harder. Raph couldn't cry in Leo, he wasn't trying to gain pity and it's not like Leo would give him any in the first place.

"I know I fucked up." Raph said in a croak voice. "I know I really, really fucked up bro but please it wasn't supposed to be like this. I'm gonna have to live with this for the rest of my life I know that but I really just need ya' forgiveness. I can't lose two brothers." Leo shook his head and took a step back.

"No."

"Leo-"

"No you can't ask me that!" He yelled. "You went out of your way to hurt me and congrats Raph you did. You won like you always wanted to do. You broke me." He threw his hands up sarcastically. "You're not actually sorry Raph you just feel bad and that's something I can't accept right now. I can't give you forgiveness. Not right now at least." Leo explained in a softer, sadder tone.

That wasn't the answer he wanted. This wasn't a taste of success. Raph tasted the copper of death and hate. Leo truly did hate him right now.

 _I need ya Mikey._

How Ironic that is, the time he wanted Mikey to butt in and calm Leo down he wasn't here. Raph was Leonardo at full force, uncensored. He really did hurt Leo, didn't he?

Raph was coming to the conclusion that nothing he was going to say now was going to make a difference. This was something that was gonna take time.

"Alright." He said, mustering up his courage; "I'm still not leaving. Let me at least help bring him home. I owe him that at least. And those wounds are gonna slow ya down and we got a time limit." Leonardo couldn't help but to look at the wound on his arm and suddenly felt the fatigue. He snarled, not wanting Raph any closer to him than needed but they had to find Mikey before they bury him for good.

"Stay South, I'll work North." was all Leo said and he headed on the other side of the work area. Raphael took a short breath, feeling slightly less anxious knowing he was allowed here. But he knew they had to find Michelangelo before the cleared this area.

If they didn't find Mikey, Leo might actually lose his mind.


	8. Lost

Lost

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Master Splinter sat in silence in the Dojo, holding his meditation pose as the incense behind him flickered and cracked. He had barricaded himself in his room for the past few days, coping with what has happened, and what needed to be done moving forward.

Squeezing his hand, he felt the fabric of one of Michelangelo's masks in his palm. He looked down, sorrow filling his face.

" _Father look at this!"_

" _Master Splinter you gotta check this movie out. I know you don't like horror but you'll get a good laugh from it."_

" _Who's ready for pizza!"_

" _Thanks dad. Love you!"_

Michelangelo's voice replayed over and over in his head, a reminder that he will never hear his son again. Master Splinter has spent the time in solitude attempting to find his sons wondering soul in the Astral Field, hoping he had found himself in their families reach. But it was a lost cause and Michelangelo's soul was nowhere to be found.

It was an empty feeling to say the least. As if a piece of himself was lost. Out of all his years of training his sons and creating them to be fiercest of ninja and to be feared of enemies across the universe, he never in a million lifetimes would have expected to lose his youngest in such a matter. Not like this. How undeserving this death was.

He looked up from the mask to see Donatello kneeling on the pillow, head down. He was able to pull his son from his mechanics for a short time, curious to how the genius turtle was feeling.

"Donatello." Splinter said. Donnie shot up quickly to his father's voice, eyes sunk in from the lack of sleep.

"How are you feeling my son?" He asked calmly. Donnie took a breath.

"I mean I'm uh, just catching up on some stuff father. Just making sure the-the security cameras are up to date and making sure everyone's shell cell has the best service because I don't want to be stuck in the same situation when we can't reach each other and we end up not being able to make it somewhere in time and someone gets hurt and-"

"Donatello you are rambling off." Splinter said, catching the purple banded turtle off guard.

"I uh, sorry Master Splinter." he said, keeping his head down.

"I wanted to know how you were feeling my son, not what you were doing." Splinter clarified. He was watching Donnie's movements closely. Donatello has always been a little anxious, smarter than his own good which kept him in a sense of panic. He had the knowledge to fix everything, and he knew this wasn't something he could fix.

"Well father I guess I'm a little worried for Leo and Raph. Leo he- he got hurt in the fire and his wound hasn't been treated properly yet and knowing Raph he's going to over work himself which means he'll be bed ridden and then there will be no one to protect the city cause were short a turtle now and it's really taking a toll-"

"Donatello, breathe." Donnie did what he was told and took a breath.

"I've been looking at the updates and they have a clean up for tomorrow morning to get rid of the rest of the rubble. I know I need to let them know but I know Leo isn't gonna budge and it's just going to be a fight. And I-" Oh how anxious he was feeling, feeling cornered and confused like an abused dog.

"How are you taking everything with what has happened with Michelangelo?" He asked directly seeing the cracks in the wall Donatello was built.

"I don't know." He said honestly. "I guess I haven't had time to think about it because I have been so worried about Leo and Raph I haven't really thought about it?" He made it into a question because he didn't know if that was what was actually happening.

"I think I'm sad. I mean, I know I'm sad but it doesn't feel right to be sad. Mikey, he was Leo's mate and I can't even imagine that turmoil. And Raph, god.." He trailed for a second. He felt the stinging feeling of tears in the corners of his eyes, feeling the floodgates opening.

"I guess I feel frustrated because I feel like I can't be sad. I know they may have had stronger ties but he was my brother too." He rubbed the single tear from his cheek. He was growing too emotional and needed to catch himself.

"It doesn't matter." He said, standing up. "I need to go get them, when they clean that lot off it doesn't matter anymore." Donatello knew from the moment that building came down there was no way of retrieving a body. Either Mikey would have been engulfed by the fire or crushed from the falling pieces of concrete. Either way, there was no recovering him but on the bright side of things, that means he couldn't be found for others either. How morbid.

Splinter stood up as well, walked over to his son and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"You are allowed to mourn Donatello." He told him. "You are very good at hiding how you feel when it comes to vulnerable emotions but you can feel sad and miss Michelangelo as much as anyone else." So warm the way Splinter spoke to Donnie. But he always did ever since they were kids. Splinter just knew the right things to say when making them feel better about something. Donatello had a funny notion that had something to do that Splinter didn't believe that he or Raphael were better equipped with their emotions like Leonardo was, but still it was comforting to know Master Splinter was in his corner.

"I will be going with you to retrieve your brothers." He said, heading out to the front.

"Master Are you sure? I know how much you don't like going to the surface." Donnie argued. Master Splinter paused for a moment at the top of the stairs.

"Leonardo is not in his right mind." He said sternly. "You will need my help to remove him from the area." And with that, Splinter headed out of the lair followed by Donatello and he had a strange feeling Leo wasn't gonna come home without a fight and that wasn't good news for anyone.

* * *

"Fuck.." Raphael leaned up against one of the fallen pillars, breathing heavily as he had just finished moving his last piece of ruble out of the way to find another empty plot. It's been like this for the past 24 hours of empty plots and nowhere closer to finding Mikey.

Luckily enough during the day the humans were using their construction equipment to start clearing out the much larger portions that he and Leo weren't able to. But even then they had to be on edge. Raph has been lucky enough to catch a water break but when they weren't digging, they were scoping out the areas to make sure none of the clean up crew found him on accident and Raphael had to admit this was taking a toll.

He looked over to the other side of the plot to see Leo digging away like a machine. Raph couldn't even believe he was complaining. Leo was going at this for days with little to no time to rest. But Raph understood even though Leo's will was strong, his body had its limits.

Just as he thought that, Leonardo went down hard on one knee, barely catching himself by pulling out a katana and placing it into the ground to keep himself from landing forward. His breathing was so rigid, probably from the extensive amount of labor and the lack of water. Raph started making his way over, wanting nothing more than to help Leo out, maybe make him rest for a moment to gain some strength back.

"Leo just take a second bro." He said in a soft tone. "I can go to the lair and grab some water and maybe something to eat and-" As he was speaking he was attempting to reach out to help Leo up only to have his eldest turn quickly, glaring up at him, sweat dripping off his face the mix of dirt and muck but his eyes daggers at Raph.

"Back off." He snarled. Raph immediately retracted and bit his lip. This entire time Leo has barely said two to him. If he did speak to him it was short and aggressive. He wasn't allowed anywhere near Leo's vicinity and Raph couldn't tell if it was for Leo's pride or Raph's safety.

Watching Leo stand back up and almost pitiful. His arms shook as he hoisted his body weight back up to his feet as he was pulling in large gasps of air. His body just about had it and Raph had a feeling if this went on any longer Leo was going to keel over.

Raphael notice the area slowly getting lighter. He looked up to see the sun was beginning to rise.

 _Shit._

Raph remembered Donnie saying that there was an official clean up crew coming through to take care of the remaining ruble. He just forgot it was today.

He started to feel anxious. He knew they needed to move out of the way and fast. But Leo wasn't going to budge. _Fuck._

"Leo.." He said quickly as his eldest brother continued to push and dig at the debris, blatantly ignoring Raph. "Leo the clean up crew is coming today. And it looks like pretty soon. They are gonna be here at sunrise bro. We need to leave." Leo continued to ignore him, moving slightly faster as if the urgency to find Mikey.

Raph was starting to get impatient and reached for Leo again.

"Leo we need to go-" Leo swatted Raph's arm and stepped closer.

"You want to leave? _Leave!_ I'm not stopping you but let's not forget the reason why I am digging in this pit in the first place, _Raph_." How cynical he sounded it made Raph's skin crawl. "Now do me a favor Raph and go home!"

"Not without you!" Raph challenged. "Ya wanna talk about safety but when the clean up crew come in and they see ya digging around ya compromise everyone!"

"What do you want me to do!" Leo hollered, looking at Raph straight in the eye. Raph felt broken seeing Leonardo in such a manic state. He was afraid of this. He was afraid they wouldn't find Mikey. Their brothers body was going to be the only thing that would keep Leo afloat. Now he's about to go off the deep end.

"Let go." Raph said calmly. How two words can crush someone in a moment. How distraught and week his leader looked. Leo looked up to the sky, seeing the creeping sun arise and could start to hear the city come to life.

 _He needed to find him._

 _He needed to find him._

 _He needed to find him!_

"I can't." He said quietly before turning back to go back into the pit.

"Jesus Christ Leo we can't stay here we have to leave-" Raph was met far too quickly with the end of Leo's blade at his neck. The stance itself wasn't strong and he could see the metal piece shake to Leo's bodies lack of strength.

"I'm not leaving." He said. He twitched, suddenly feeling all his aches and pains and the burning from his arm as if his body was saying it was done. Raphael didn't miss that.

"We can't be here anymore bro." He said calmly.

"We can't leave him here!" Leo yelled. "Him out of all people in this world doesn't deserve to be lied in a place like this. He needs to come home." Who was this person? Raphael wasn't understanding the frantic need to bring Mikey's body back. He knew for a fact if this was any of them Leo would not be going through all this trouble for a vessel that held their souls. They trained for these moments, they learned and breathed the possibility of their early deaths but its as if Leo completely threw their training out the window. Their spirits are linked and can be met in the astral plane so they can always be together as family. So why is it-

Raphaels heart dropped.

Mikey's spirit never made it to the astral plane. It was the only explanation he could think of for Leonardo's irrational behavior. There was so much guilt laying on Raphael and now understanding he won't ever actually speak with Michelangelo again or even feel his warmth, was starting to set in.

"Leo." Another voice came into their space making them both turn. Donnie was standing there, looking concerned.

"Donnie?" Leo said. "What are you doing here?" Donnie didn't respond right away overtaken by the amount of bruises and wounds clattered over Leo's green skin. It made him sick to see his eldest abusing his body the way he did for such a pointless mission.

"Leo. You are not okay. I need to treat your wounds before you start losing limbs." He said calmly but sternly seeing his leaders eyes were sunken and wild from the lack of sleep and energy. "It's time to come home."

Leo gave out an airless laugh, pulling his sword away from Raph and dropping on the ground.

"I'm not going anywhere." He said quietly.

"Leo you need to come home and take care of yourself."

"I'm not going anywhere!" He said as firmly as he could. "Not until I find his body and bring him home."

"You're not going to find him Leo! He was either crushed to dust by the weight of this building or he was burned by the fire. There is no body there is no bringing Mikey home." Raph kept quiet, looking over his eldest. It was almost as if his mind couldn't process what he was told, what he was doing there or what he was doing. His eyes looked so lost. This is the most vulnerable he had ever seen Leo awake and standing and it was not a sight he liked.

"I'm not going to stop." Leo responded, taking a step back. The sound of approaching large vehicles made it clear the cleaning crew was here.

"Leo we need to leave!" Donnie tried again.

"I need to find him. He promised he would come back." Leo mumbled to himself ready to turn back to dig before Raph grabbed his better arm.

"That's enough Leo. No more." Leonardo snarled and jabbed at Raphael.

"Get your fucking hands off of me!" He yelled, getting ready to pull his second katana.

"Gah!" Leo froze immediately, body relaxed, and fell forward into the dust. Master Splinter was behind him, clearly hit a pressure point to knock the eldest out.

"Father…" Raph breathed out. The vehicles were getting louder and it was time to move out.

"Grab Leonardo. We are heading home." Splinter said, picking up the loose katana and taking the one that was still put away out of the scabber before heading back to the closest sewer entrance.

Raphael approached his fallen leader to see he really was completely knocked out and could only imagine he would be like that for a couple of days. He did this to him. He made Leo lose his mind.

Leo said he had finally won. He didn't want to win this way. Never this way. He can only hope that Mikey, wherever he was could forgive him and find Leonardo salvation because if this keeps going the way it was, they were about to lose two brothers.

* * *

 _ **A/N: Hiii Wow this is the quickest update ive done in a while im pretty impressed with myself :D So I wanted to point out a few things moving forward with this story. This particular fic has themes and follows all throughout the story:**_

 _ **The process of mourning and grieving (Healthy and unhealthy)**_

 _ **Toxic Masculinity (you'll see more of that moving forward next chapter)**_

 _ **Accountability and responsibility**_

 _ **Mental health (Will be addressed in later chapters *will have warnings)**_

 _ **Just keep these in mind when going through the story and let me know if you can pick up on them going through :)**_

 _ **-Till next time!**_

 _ **~F**_


	9. Control

Control

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The soft rumbles of the sewer lines passed behind Leo's mind. Everything felt so surreal and light. Sleeping wasn't the word that would be used. His body recuperating to the best of its abilities but not at the speed needed. Not like Leo would realize anyways.

His breathing was steady, passed out on his bed in the deep unconscious slumber.

His breath, blending to the dull noises of the pipes that went across his room. How intimate and small this all seemed.

His unmoving body thought it felt a dip in the bed, very slight. A body to his side leaning so close to his head.

" _Leo."_

Mikey.

" _Leo, wake up."_

"Mikey…" He whispered to himself.

Within that short moment, Leonardo's eyes opened slightly, adjusting to the darkness of his room. He breathed in slowly and immediately regretted it.

"Ah." He cringed as his body tried to move. He could feel the stiffness in his joints and just how sore his muscles were. When he tried to clear his throat, his started to cough aggressively, noticing immediately how dry his throat was. Without really thinking and ignoring the pain in his body, he twisted over to his night stand to see a glass of water and some pills. His assumption was that the pills were either Aspirin or Tylonal for the pain but nothing stronger than that. Donnie noticed quickly that Leo enjoyed having vicodin more than he probably should and took that away real quick which in reality Leonardo thanked for.

He brought his legs over the bed and saw all the bandages across his limbs and the padded wrap on his arm where he was nicked from the building. He took the pills and downed his glass of water and sighed.

He felt shallow. His heart restricted as the memories started to flood back and realizing when he walked out of his room Michelangelo wasn't going to be there to greet him. A pang of regret hit him as he remembered that they never recovered the body.

He needed to find him.

With everything he had, he lifted his body up and opened up the door.

Donatello was sitting at the kitchen table sipping at his tea in deep thought. He couldn't get the image of Leo's face out of his mind. How desperate he looked. It was almost pitiful and Donnie felt guilty for taking him away but he knew if he didn't Leo would have killed himself digging up a body that didn't exist anymore.

Donnie looked up to see Raph walk in and lean up against the counter, crossing his arms looking stiff.

"Has he woken up yet?" He asked quietly.

"No. Not yet. I don't expect him to his body is pretty exhausted." Donnie said. Raph smirked.

"Nah, his will is gonna push his body to the grave before he stops." He said grimly. Raph looked up to see Donnie staring into his cup.

"You okay?" He asked. Donnie bit the inside of his cheek.

"I think." he said. "I'm coming to terms a bit but I also think I'm getting a little too fixated on Leo's health so dont know if that helps."

"He'll appreciate it. He needs a bro around." Raph said quietly. Donnie picked up on the tone immediately and tensed.

"He'll come around Raph. He always does." Donnie tried to comfort.

"Not this time." Raph responded. Working with Leo at the site was enough to show Raph this wasn't going to be a mistake easily forgiven. Raph fucked up major and Leo knew that. This wasn't gonna just go away.

A sound from the other room caught their attention, Donnie jumping up quickly to inspect. Raph stayed where he was, not wanting to face Leo just yet it was him.

Donnie made his way into the living room and looked at the stairs to see Leo at the bottom gripping at the rail showing he had just lost his balanced and using it as leverage.

"Leo What are you doing!" Donnie said running up to his brother and helped to stand him up. Leo didn't let go of the bar, catching his breath. He was much weaker than he thought he was and that began to irritate him.

"I guess you're feeling better?" The purple banded turtle said. Leo looked at him with tired eyes.

"I guess." His voice was ragged. "How long was I out?"

"Just a little over a day. Should still be in bed bro. Those wounds are pretty bad and your were pretty dehydrated too."

"I can't I have to find him." Leo said almost breathlessly pushing off of the rail and standing on his own. Donnie felt such pity for his leader. Leonardo was one of the most confident and determined individuals he had ever met. It's what makes him a great leader, but his single minded outcomes was one of his greatest downfalls.

"Leo, we can't go back there. The lot, it's already cleared out." Donnie studied his older brother to see how hard he was trying to keep his porcelain mask on but could see the cracks.

"We can't leave him there Donnie." Leo said in a small voice, desperate.

"We won't find him." Donnie tried to sound as sympathetic as possible but he needed to keep things realistic. "The lot was cleared. There wasn't anything found and nothing has been said on the news. There's nothing to look for there Leo." Leo's grip on the rail was painfully strong he was straining his hand. He can't get Mikey back. His soul will forever be lost because his vessel was no longer reachable.

He would never see him again. Never laugh with him, play with him, never fight side by side. His other half was lost. All because Raphael wanted to prove a fucking point.

Leo took in a broken breath as he released the rail, making himself stand on his own two feet. He needed to reel in his mind, his emotions getting a little too scattered. One step at a time.

Chipping away.

Slowly.

"Leo?" Donnie reached out to try and put a hand on his brother's shoulder but he pulled away. "Is there anything you need?" He asked, ignoring Leo's physical lack of touch.

"Where is he?" He asked flatly.

"Who?" Donnie asked. Leo looked at him, cold eyes piercing into him.

"Our brother." He spoke so low, Donnie felt a shiver run down his spine.

"You need to see Master Splinter first." He said.

"What?"

"Father told me when you wake up you need to speak with him before you approach Raph." Master Splinter was a smart man. He always has been. Leo has spent enough hours in meditation and training with their father to know he wasn't being talked to to see how he was doing.

 _Chip, Chip, Chip._

Leo took a step, gaining his footing before he headed towards his father's room. Raphael peered through the kitchen, staying hidden behind the wall as he watched the eldest walk to their fathers room. He had a bad feeling.

Leo opened the door slowly. See the lights were on and that his father was sitting at his desk. He was reading over something. Splinter didn't look up as he flipped through the pages of the document.

"Sit. Leonardo." He said with a flat tone. Leo's heart was racing. Not from fear but from anger and the anxiety of the possible outcomes. Leo shut the door behind him and kneeled on one of the four pillows in front of his father's desk. He said for a moment, keeping his head down, waiting for his father to speak, hearing the passing of the papers.

"We will be holding a ceremony for Michelangelo in the Battle Nexus. Honoring him as the warrior he was." Splinter looked up to see Leo was still looking at the ground, hands in a tight fist on his knees.

"But that isn't why I wanted to speak to you." Splinter continued. "What I want to know is what is going on with you." Leo didn't answer still looking at his knees.

 _Chip._

"Leonardo you will look at me as I speak to you." Splinter said in a more dominant voice. Leo bit the inside of his cheek and looked up at his father. Splinter could see the searing anger boring in his son's eyes. Never has he seen Leonardo like this before. Though he can compare this behavior to the time he had to send his eldest away for further training, but this was a whole different level that Splinter didn't know if he could handle.

"Did you hear what I just said." He asked sternly.

"Sounds like your having a funeral without a body." Leo said sharply. Splinter bit back his frustration.

"It is a celebration of your brothers life. I would expect you to show some gratitude to the Daimyo for allowing such an event to happen in Michelangelo's name." He said. Leo huffed. "Something I said funny to you Leonardo?"

"This entire thing is quite comical honestly." He sneered. Splinter was starting to lose patience.

"Michelangelo is dead. It is only right that we honor him accordingly. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Yeah and why is he dead?" Leo challenged. "Funny how I'm getting the cold shoulder even though I wasn't there."

"His death was an accident and you know this. Raphael has already explained the interaction between them and the Shredder. Michelangelo died a hero, saving Raphael's life." Splinter was starting to slip.

"Yeah? There wouldn't have been any conflict if Raph would have just listened to me in the first place!" Leo was too losing his patience. His patience for his family trying to sweep this under the rug and pretend everything with butterflies and sunshine. No. No that sunshine died with Mikey.

"I have dealt with Raphael accordingly. That was my burden to bare." Splinter shot back.

"Oh let me guess, he came in crying and pleading for forgiveness and once again you caved." Oh, how fed up Leo was feeling right now. "Probably told him it wasn't his fault and once again excuse his blatant lack of respect for authority and once again I'm left with a mess to clean up!"

"Last time I checked Leonardo, Raphael is not the leader of the clan." Splinter stood up, pushing against his walking stick gripping the top.

"I followed my orders." Leo said in a dark tone. "I had my plan, a strict coordinated assault that was supposed to keep us all safe." Leo defended himself. His blood starting to boil.

"And yet you failed!" He hollered, slamming his cane to the ground. Leo didn't even flinch.

"Let me remind you Leonardo, I allowed you to continue that relationship with MIchelangelo because you promised me it would not affect your role as leader." How tight those words were. Leo could feel the collar around his neck grow thicker hearing his father speak. How he _allowed,_ how it was overall his father's decision on what Leonardo's happiness consisted of.

So little control.

So little freedom.

Leo was feeling so caged, cornered.

"Allowed me?" He said quietly. Refusing to look up, Leo spoke so low, so sinister it seemed. "I asked for your blessing, _not_ for your permission. I am allowed to pursue happiness the same as anyone else!" Leo shot his head up, leaning slightly forward almost like he was ready to stand up.

"You can't punish me for wanting to protect and preserve the last thing I had of him!"

"You failed your role Leonardo!" Splinter's voice turning more and more demanding as the conversation continued. "Michelangelo was not your only team member, you left Donatello alone and confused and allowed Raphael to run off with life threatening wounds! You allowed your emotions to better you in a sensitive time of needed leadership and you failed. You have responsibility here, now Leonardo and I expect you to get yourself together and be the leader I trained you to be!" They locked eyes and Splinter could feel a cold shiver run down in spine. Rage was all he saw, and that alone sent Splinter into a frenzy.

"You are the leader of this clan and this family needs you here, and now. So enough with the selfish acts and be a leader."

It was silent for a moment, not a single tone passed between the two of them for what seemed like a thousand years. But, Leo spoke up.

"So you really aren't going to punish him." He snarled.

"Raphael has been dealt with. It is no longer your concern."

"Saying your disappointed and telling him you love him isnt going to change anything!" Leo yelled.

"That's enough from you!" Splinter yelled back.

"What will it take for you to finally start holding him accountable for his actions!" How panicked Leo was speaking to his father this way. Never has he felt so lost, never has he even thought about speaking to his father in this manner but man,

It did feel good.

"It was an accident Leonardo and you know that! You were responsible for had happened and failed to clean up the mess!" Leo felt good seeing his father struggle like this. He wasn't able to keep his composure. This raw emotion of hatred and fear pouring from the all powerful Master Splinter truly made Leo feel a new sense of power.

"So I take full blame for what happened and Raph walks free. So what happens the next time this happens dad? Hmm? What will it take for you to hold him accountable!"

"Enough Leonardo!"

Losing control.

"I just want to know! If him getting our brother killed wasn't enough for you then what will? When he pulls another stunt and puts us all in danger? He gets me killed? Donnie? Will he have to have everyone dead before _you_ start taking responsibility!"

Master Splinter was too quick for Leo see the impending attack. Master Splinter quickly brought up his cane to the tip and used the handle as that of a club and swung it with enough might that Leo tumbled to the side, gripping his cheek. Splinter was shaking. He was shaking with rage toward Leonardo and himself.

Leonardo was never a child that needed large amounts of discipline. He always listened, he always followed through. He was a prodigy that everywhere in the multiverse wanted. But, he was only dedicated to his family and Splinter had no worries. In reality Splinter never truly had to parent Leo.

But now, now he was losing his control.

Leonardo is a fearsome ninja. The self discipline, the trained qualities he possessed and the advantages he had of being a young mutant made him a hot commodity that everyone desired. Leonardo is hindsight was a natural born soldier, a trained assassin that in the wrong hands could cause utter mayhem. Splinter had always thanked the gods to have his son in his corner when it really mattered and had no fear of Leo turning dark. However, Michelangelo's death triggered something. Something dark.

"You will speak no more Leonardo." He said with the most authority he could muster. "This is not up for debate. You will get a grip! You will not disrespect this family and Michelangelo's name like this!" Splinter observed Leo's posture, seeing how tense his body was. He was fighting the urge to hit back. Splinter still had some control.

An Icy chill went through the air as he heard a small, but menacing growl coming from the eldest. He had heard Raphaels gurgled growls far too much to be fazed and donatello's frustrated animalistic nature and even on the rare occasion Mikey's growls during sparring or as he played his games. But Leo, _never_. He had never heard the eldest feral noises linking him to his animal instincts. But a growl is a warning sign in most animal kingdoms and that growl, though small, was a warning.

"Stay here." Splinter said, brushing off the interaction for now to retrieve the two other brothers. Leo sat there, hand on his cheek, fighting every urge he had to flip this room upside down and to return the favor. Leo was in so much pain. Not from the injuries and not from the new bruise on his face or cracked teeth.

The pain was from the loss of Michelangelo. He missed him so much and couldn't figure out how to handle this loss. But this interaction with Splinter was the reminder he didn't have time to wallow with himself, he needed to be there for his family.

What _bullshit._

The door slid back open and Donnie and Raph walked in, seating themselves on the other pillows. Donnie sat next to Leo and immediately saw the inflamed cheek, taking note that wasn't a previous injury.

"Leo.." Donnie tried to reach out but Leo pulled back quickly, avoiding his brother's touch. Donnie could see the wheels turning. His veins prompt in his fist showing his tense body. What on earth just happened?

Splinter stood back behind his desk, avoiding looking at Leo in fear he would get riled up again.

"I have called you all in here to let you know we will be heading to the Battle Nexus in two days to celebrate Michelangelo's life. The Daimyo was very generous and will be handling most of the proceedings but, we will be there to honor as a clan." He explained.

"Wow, um that's incredibly nice of the Daimyo but he doesn't have to." Donnie said tentatively. Raph wasn't listening all that much. He peered to his side to see the slight out line of Leo's body and felt guilty. He looked so uncomfortable. He didn't know what conversation he and their father were having but it didn't seem good.

"As Tradition, the head of house will light the torch of remembrance and we will all be apart of the ceremony. Understood?" He asked.

"Yes Master." Donnie and Raph said in unison. Splinter looked to see Leo still had his head down, still tense.

"Leonardo do you understand?" Splinter clarified but again received no response. Splinter could feel himself boiling up once again. That complete disrespect.

"Leo are you-" Donnie tried to ask but Leo shot up from his seat and darted from the room and out to the sewers as fast as his injured body could let him.

"Leo!" Donnie yelled, standing quickly after.

"Leave him!" Splinter demanded, stopping Donnie in his tracks. "He will return." He tried to reassure before sitting back at his desk. "Now sit Donatello and I will go over the plans of the ceremony."

Donnie didn't want to sit. He wanted to make sure Leo was alright. His face , body, his behavior showed something dreadful.

"Don." Donnie looked down to see Raph staring up at him, gesturing for him to take a seat. Their father was obviously angry and Raphael didn't want Splinter the relay those frustrations to Donnie. Donatello took the hint and sat back down and though he sat through the explanation he wasn't paying attention. Not one bit.

* * *

Casey came home and slammed the door shut behind him, sighing in relief. He went to Aprils and stayed there for a couple of days after explaining what had happened to Mikey. He held her for most of the night and day as she cried and returned the favor. To lose Mikey was truly like losing family and it broke both of their hearts.

Casey went to the fridge and grabbed a beer and popped it open. April needed to go on a business trip and would be gone for a night or two so he had the apartment to himself for the night. He went towards the living room and turned on the living room light.

"Wah!" He yelled, as he saw Leo sitting on his couch, hunched over slightly.

"Jesus, I know ya guys are ninja but have ya eva' heard of knock'n!" He yelled, gripping his chest in dramatics.

"Hey Casey." Leo said quietly, not looking up from where he was. "Can I stay here tonight?" Casey immediately felt pity. Poor Leo, Casey could relate to how the blue banded leader was feeling. Far more than he would have liked.

"Sure." He said quietly. Leo nodded before hugging himself a little tighter.

Leo sat there, trapped in his own head. His father has never hit him in such aggression before. It made Leo so furious but he was so fucking hurt. He just wanted to cry. He wanted to cry and punch something and just feel noticed. Hell he just wanted Mikey.

But he understood his father's values and the traditionalist he was and knew he wouldn't be able to show such weakness. He could never. He needed to be leader. That's all he could do.

What a pitiful existence that was.

"Here." Leo looked up to see Casey handing him an open beer. "I get it if you don't wanna talk about it. Wanna watch the game?" He asked. Casey really was a loving and caring friend. Leo was hesitant for a moment before taking a drink. Casey smiled at him before making himself comfortable in the seat next to Leo. Casey patted him on the shoulder, showing him slight comfort before turning on the television. Leo took a gulp of the bitter drink. Its been so long since the last time he had just sat down and had some alcohol.

He guess for the time being this was enough and would satisfy his racing mind. He drank the beer and asked for another, then another, then another.

Till everything started to blur and the pain no longer existed.

* * *

A/N: Hello! Sorry I have been MIA I am now in Graduate school and that has been more challenging haha but don't worry I will still update!

 **Also please check out Yure-Chans art on this Fic 3**

Link: en/artworks/77679933Till next time!

-F


	10. Anxiety

Anxiety

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"Gah." Donnie nicked his finger trying to put the top of his Hakama together. The last time he had to wear this was for the celebration in him and his brothers name for being named dragon. Now…

Well now they are going for a funeral.

A funeral isn't the word Master Splinter wanted to use for this engagement. They weren't mourning Michelangelo in the traditional way but instead celebrating the life he had and the lives he touched. Which was a lot.

Donnie remembered struggling with this pin before the last time he had to wear it but this time felt more challenging than before. Was it because this time it wasn't in celebration for their accomplishments for saving the world for the hundredth time but instead a mockery of their failure as a team. Or was it because he knew in his gut that this wasn't going to be a picture perfect ceremony?

Thinking too hard, he slipped again pricking his finger once more.

"Fuck.." He mumbled. What a trivial thing.

"Here." A deeper voice entered his head as Raphael walked around fully dressed. "Let me help." He said head down and shooed Donnies hands away. Donnie didn't fight Raphaels help. The past couple of days leading up to the ceremony Raphael has done his part to help their father set up and prepare with the elders of the Battle Nexus to make sure everything was perfect. Donnie looked up at the red banded turtle's face to see the strain in his eyes from the sleepless nights. Was it from the preparations?

Or was it from the agonizing guilt.

"There." Raph said in a low tone, padding the top of Donnie's chest. He gave him a small smile but Donnie could see just how sad it was.

"Thanks Raph." He responded back. They stayed close in proximity. It felt nice, intimate almost. It was a comfort, especially in times like this to have another being hurting and growing together. Donnie cleared his throat.

"So, everything set for when we get there?" he asked.

"Ya, for the most part." Raph Responded. "Nothing too exciting." He said softly. Donnie instinctively felt the need to reach up and straighten up his Hakama.

"I'm sure you did a great job Raph." He reassured him. "You always know how to put on a show." Raphael seemed to relaxed slightly, Donnie not even realizing he was tense in the first place.

He looked up at past Donnie to the stairs behind them.

"Has he come home yet?" He asked, referring to their eldest. Donnie bit his lip.

"I heard him come in sometime last night. At least he isn't gonna be missing the ceremony." Donnie said.

"He doesn't have much of a choice."

Leo didn't know how long he had been sitting on his bed for. He was almost completely dressed but half way through lost the need to complete the wardrobe change. There was a tightness in his chest he never felt before. It was mild and felt like something was sitting on the back of his rib cage. It could be just a reaction to the pounding going on inside his head.

He had spent the last two days at Casey's. He doesn't remember much of his time there. There was beer, sports, and Caseys guitar and that's all that he remembers. Leo didn't drink much but he enjoyed just having the solitude for a short while.

He felt numb.

Numb is what his father was striving him to be. He needed to be stoic and concentrated and to push every feeling, every emotion to the side for the sake of his family. The pull in his cheek was the reminder to put himself back in check.

He took some time and let off some steam and should have gotten it out of system.

But he still felt so defiant.

This "celebration" was a joke. There was nobody to mourn and he knows if Mikey was here this isn't what he would have wanted. It further proved Leo's point that his family didn't know shit about him or Mikey. Because if they did, they would know Mikey would have wanted something more intimate with just their close friends and family. Something small and relaxed because the out of this world goof ball was just for show. But Leo didn't have a place anymore to speak on those terms.

"Hah.." He winced clutching at his chest feeling his heart rate spike for a moment there thinking about his mate. Everytime he thought of Mikey and his smile his heart hurt. He was almost feeling panicked and he didn't understand why. He just wanted today to be over.

He looked over to see the gold chain he needed to wear. It symbolized his position of head of house. What a heavy burden to bear at this moment of time.

Donnie and Raph were waiting at the front of the lair waiting for their father to come out and lead them to the Battle Nexus. Raph stood there patiently and quietly. The most quiet he had ever stood. He was never known for his patience and would normally complain and try and hurry the process. But, in this situation he needed to practice every piece of patience. The sensitivity of the situation was more vital than any of them were prepared for. To keep himself busy he was helping his father with the preparations for today and he knew his father appreciated all the work but he knew their father would have preferred their eldest to be the one that was helping.

He shook off Leo from his mind. Not right now he wasn't going to fret about that. Today was about Mikey and in hopes he may gain some forgiveness from his youngest brother. Raph looked over to Donnie and wholeheartedly appreciated his older brother. Without him, he wouldn't be able to make it through this.

The sound of the sliding doors of their fathers room caught their attention. They both looked over to see Master Splinter dressed in his finest robe and holding a golden torch that would be used to light the fire of remembrance. Their father stood tall and looked so strong.

"Are we ready to go?" He asked quietly.

"Yes Master Splinter." They said in unison. Splinter surveyed the room then looked up at his sons bedrooms seeing Leonardo's door was closed. He hasn't seen his eldest since their fight but he had no time to deal with the aftermath of that right now. He needed to get his family to the ceremony and his head of house back on track.

"Leonardo!" He yelled. "It is time to go!"

They waited for a moment before the door opened and stepped out their leader. He was keeping his head lower, not looking at any of them directly before walking down to meet the rest of them. Splinter could see his eldest was rigid but didn't want to focus too much as they were on a time crunch.

"Let's be off." He said, leading the way out to the sewers to the surface above.

When they made it up, they went into the dead end alleyway Master Splinter took the time to draw on the needed symbol and stepped back.

"Leonardo." He said without looking back immediately. "Recite the entrance spell needed to enter the Battle Nexus." When he did end up looking back, Leonardo was standing far enough away from everyone and was looking down at the floor.

"Leonardo." He repeated but more firm. Leo flicked his eyes up but didn't move. He knew what Splinter was trying to do. He was trying to reassert his dominance as master and to prove a point.

Everyone.

Always trying to prove a _fucking_ point.

"I don't remember it." He said with a low tone. The tension immediately flooded the air as Raphael and Donatello tensed. Splinter refused to break their gaze before letting out a frustrated breath and turned to recite the spell. The door opened and without looking back, Splinter walked through leading his family to the Battle Nexus.

When they made it through, they were met with so much life. There were creatures all around them. Past contenders, fans, residents of the Battle Nexus flooding the main streets. What caught their attention the most, was the holographic banners flooding the streets of Michelangelo. A sense of dread went between the brothers seeing their youngest broadcasted at his highest point. Donnie by instinct moved slightly closer to Raph, feeling so drained from just looking at the old smiling face of the youngest.

Leo stood back, looking up at this holograph of his mate and that strange pain in his chest once again. This time he could feel his heart starting to race slightly.

"Splinter!" A familiar voice reached their ears. The Daimyo approached in his finest silk with open arms. He reached out and circled the old rat in an embrace.

"I'm so sorry my old friend that this could not be with better circumstances." He released Splinter and sighed. "My heart, the Battle Nexus soul is heavy for the passing of Michelangelo. I cannot imagine losing a son so young." He spoke with such concern.

"Thank you for your condolences Daimyo." Splinter said. " I cannot thank you enough or your court for setting all this up for Michelangelo. He would have loved it." He said with a sad smile. Leonardo heard his father's word and sneered. Mikey wouldn't have loved this. This isn't how he would have wanted them to mourn. This wasn't a party this was his _life_. He looked up to see Michelangelo's image all around him and all he could feel was the pounding in his head and his heart racing. It thumped violently against his rib cage. It was almost unbearable. Soffecating.

"Not to worry my old friend we have everything taken care of and the help of Raphael none of this wouldn't have happened." The Daimyo directed the praise to Raphael who bowed in response. Leonardo could feel his blood boil hearing Raphael receive praise. He shouldn't be getting praised. He should be reprimanded the way he was. Punished how he is and suffered the way Mikey did.

These cruel thoughts Leo never had before and was feeling more than overwhelmed. His breathing was quickening more than he would like.

"Well No matter. Please enjoy yourself before the ceremony begins. Master Splinter will you please and join me in the main court?" the daimyo asked.

"Certainly my friend." He looked over at his sons and said, " please remember to be the gauntlet lighting when the Sun touches the mountain." He sent a glare at Leonardo who was visibly tense in the jawline. Master Splinter tried to pay no mind as he was in the Domino towards the palace.

The brothers walked through the streets of the Nexus. Donnie and Raph in front and Leo staying as far back as he could without raising eyebrows. his mind began to race as they walked through the streets, trying to configure what it was that he was feeling. This was an emotion that he did not recognize, this feeling of anxiety and pain was so overwhelming he didn't know if he could bear it. He almost tripped over his own feet as he noticed that Raph and Don had stopped in front of him not wanting to run into them. Looking ahead he saw Taximus speaking to Raphael.

His breathing came in short breaths, unable to fill his lungs the necessity that his body needed to function. He felt the walls of his mind starting to close in as he grasped the front of his clothes in desperation to stop his beating heart. how selfish he felt. how numb he wanted to be. All these emotions he wanted to be locked away and to never return wailing out and threatening the utmost peace that his family needed. he barely even recognized when Traximus came to him and started to speak but he could not register the words. His eyes trying so hard to focus on the small beads of the ground below him but they danced along his eyesight, losing focus.

He needed to get away.

Now.

 _Right now!_

Without even thinking he turned on his Heel and dashed in the other direction. He heard the voice of Donatello but not the words that he spoke. For some reason all of a sudden, the amount of guilt he felt as being the failure of his family the failure of his brothers, and the failure of his mate has caused him to enter a frenzy. He couldn't keep Focus looking around to see the celebration in Michelangelo's name without feeling the overwhelming urge to burn the whole place to the ground.

He ran as fast as he could down the alley dodging people left and right unknowing of where he was going. All he knew was that he needed to get away as fast as he could from the people, from his family, and from the images of his late lover. without even thinking he stumbled on some stairs and missed a step and went down hard. He kept himself down to the floor on his hands and knees and tried to catch his breath. his breathing was ragged not from the running but the feeling that his heart was about to implode. He couldn't seem to catch his breath no matter how deep his health became. You could feel the tips of his fingers start to go numb and his body started to shiver.

 _Is this an anxiety attack?_

Leo asked himself as he noticed he started to grip at as chest a little harder. he has never had an anxiety attack considering how well composed he has always been. How foreign these feelings were. how he wanted this feeling to go away and to go back to feeling numb. He wanted his self-control back oh, he wanted that feeling of acceptance once again from his family but knew that was out of his reach until he can come to the conclusion with his emotions but he didn't know how. All he knew was that he was engulfed with rage and knew which would release it. What a cruel way to suffer.

"Boy, get off the ground will get dirty." said a voice above him. When he looked up he flinched seeing a large tortoise close to his proximity, far too close for comfort.

"What?" He asked, still breathing erratically.

"Son, get your breathing under control or else you're going to end up passing out." The old tortoise said catching Leo's attention realizing that he didn't even know he was breathing so hard. He took a few moments to regulate his breath listening to his heartbeat as a pounded through his mind.

Once he was finally settled, he just stared at the ground below him. how embarrassing this was. He, Leonardo, the capable Warrior and the fearless leader of the Hamato Clan down on his hands and knees in a dirty ally way being looked down upon by a tortoise.

"Oye, you're One of those Turtles aren't you?" the tortoise asked. Leo didn't answer. He didn't even move from his spot, too stiff to even think about moving. The tortoise can visually see the distress on Leo's body and knew he wasn't in the right mind set.

"Come boy, lets go talk." he said. Leo watched as the old tortoise walked away in the opposite direction. He sat there for a moment more before deciding to follow. Whether or not listening to the old man would help, it was better than being surrounded by the false sense of celebration.

Leonardo followed the tortoise up into the higher parts of the Hills right outside of the Battle Nexus. He was welcomed with shabby old shacks and some hillbilly locals dancing and singing in celebration of Michelangelo's life just the same as they did but then the city. So much for the Escape.

The old tortoise brought him up to the highest hill, but overlooked the Nexus itself. At any other time Leo would have enjoyed the scenery in front of him, but knowing that Michelangelo's face was plastered on every wall and sung in every tune made this beautiful view seem dull.

"So tell me turtle, why were you in the alleyway?" The old tortoise asked as he sat down in the grass facing the Nexus pulling out canister and taking a sip.

"I didn't mean to bother you, I do apologize." Leo said as he bowed his head and forgiveness.

"No need for apologies boy." The tortoise said, "I assume that you know the warrior who was killed is that correct?"

 _The warrior that was killed?_ Leo thought.

What an interesting way of wording his failure is leader and Raphs Recklessness. he had to guess that he actually was killed then. it just wasn't as heroic Raphael made it out to be.

"We were family." He said, not wanting to get into major detail about their relationship.

"I see, you are the head of household correct? I have seen you and your brothers the Nexus quite a few times." the tortoise mentioned. Leo didn't say anything seeing as though the tortoise was just trying to prod at him for some juicy gossip that was going on in his life. Part of him wished he didn't come. He looked up at the sky and watched the sun, waiting for it to touch the mountain and reminded himself that he needed to leave soon.

"Not taking this loss very well are we boy?" tortoise ask. "No need to be ashamed."

That was a funny way of saying that. This entire time all Leonardo known was for the way that he felt. He was not allowed to feel angry and he was not allowed to mourn, he was only allowed to stand tall and prideful and watch as the rest of this family heels well he takes all the hits.

"I'm not ashamed." Leo finally said. "I just cannot show emotion right now." the tortoise laughed

"Boy I hate to break it to you but you're not hiding it very well." Leo felt that very similar dull pain in his chest that he felt earlier a buildup of another anxiety attack knowing that he was not able to fulfill the one thing that his family needed was to conceal what he felt. The one thing that he was always proud of was holding his Poker Face to the highest standard. Now, it wouldn't even be able to win a game of goldfish at this point. Leonardo looked down at the grass below him, being reminded of all the days that he and Mikey would go out to farm and lay out and watch as the clouds rolled by pictured Futures that they would never have.

The old tortoise can see the wheels turning in the young turtles head.

"Here boy." he said. he reached out his canister to Leo. "If you don't want to feel, then this will help." Leo already knew what was in that canister. He was able to smell the booze from the alleyway. He already had a drunken experience with Casey and woke up this morning with this hangover oh... but he also remembered how numb he felt. how empty. How soulless he had become. That is what his family demanded.

With some reluctance, he sat down next to the Old Tortoise and took the canister and took a sip.. the taste of the old sake going down his throat burned. Once the minutes went by, everything started to phase. His once racing heart fluttered as if it was in a separate room. everything around him starts to twist and turn into something silly mind-numbing. Leo knew that drinking would not solve all of his problems, he knew that this was not the way he should be handling himself. but what else could you do? He had felt like an outcast to his own family and the one person that would have understood him the most was now Six Feet Under. maybe for a little while so he can learn to do this on his own. He and the Sake will be one of the same.

He and the old Tortoise began to drink together, other locals began to join them, and the sun touched the top of the mountain.

* * *

 _ **A/N: Hi Guys! I do apologize for the late update! I made a mistake and tried to put two chapters in one and it just wasn't working but luckily enough the next chapter is almost done! So I should have that posted soon but let me know what you think!**_

 _ **Till Next time!**_

 _ **-F**_


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